TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 4 - Take care of you

I think i've been walking for hours now, without any particular destination.
The cold no longer affects me, the sky begins to turn a dark blue and i can barely see the stars.
I'm so tired but i really needed it, i needed to let out some of that weight inside of my chest.
Aubrey's words hurt me indelibly and i don't know if i'll ever get over all this pain.

I take the keys from my pocket and open the door to find Cassie practically on me.
"Oh god Y/n, where have you been? Do you think it's cute to make me scared like this? I thought something bad happened to you" she says bursting into tears.
"Hey it's okay boo, i'm fine don't worry. I'm so sorry i made you worried but my phone is dead. I'm here now okay?" i say hugging her and stroking her hair.

"Don't ever do that to me again, do you understand? I was going to call the police i thought that y-you-"

"Ok Cas i promise, it's okay now" i say comforting her

"Good" she replies while she wipes the last tears from her face

"Are you hungry? I made dinner" she says with a soft smile

"No Cas, i want to go to my room sorry" i say completely destroyed, i'm sure she understood that there is something wrong with me and honestly i'm so tired that i don't even have the strength to hide it.

"Y/n what did Aubrey tell you today? I know this has to do with her" she says worried
"You know usually i don't force you to talk but you're worrying me, i don't like seeing you like that" she adds

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet Cas, i need time"

"Okay, got it. I leave you a little bit alone but if you need to talk i'm here ok?" she tries to be so kind with me and instead i push her away.
I know it's terribile, but I need to stay alone right now.
"Yes i know" i reply with a weak smile

She leaves me a kiss on the forehead
"At least try to eat something, for me please"
"I'm not hungry sorry"
I look at her and she understands, lowers her head disappointed and sad.
She walks away and leaves me alone.
I'm so grateful to her, she's the only person who understands me and who has always been close to me even in the most difficult moments.

I'm sorry to disappoint her and see her sad for me. Another weight adds inside of my heart.
Here's what i do, i always disappoint everyone.
In one day i disappointed three people.
First Aubrey, that even though i hate her for what she made me she's right.
Then Cassie, my bestfriend who always does everything for me and sometimes i think i don't deserve her.

And Lizzie, who doesn't even know me but i disappointed her anyway.
I saw it in her beautiful eyes .

I go into my room and lock the door, then go into the bathroom and that's where i burst into tears.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I'm horrible, i'm a horrible person, i don't deserve anything beautiful in life.

And here i am, i fall back again into an old habit.

I didn't think it would happen again.

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"Hey boo you're a bit of pale" Cassie says noticing my horrible state.
"Well i barely slept tonight, but don't worry i'm fine" i answer tired

yeah sure ... I can barely keep myself standing

"Sure it's just for this?" Cassie asks worried
"Oh my god yes Cassie" i answer with a cold tone, why did i answer her like that? after all, she's just worrying about me
"Okay..." she says, lowering her head
fine, i disappointed her again
"Sorry Cas i did not want to"
"It's okay" she says sad