TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 43 - Toxic

LIZZIE'S POV

It's been two weeks and she completely ignores me.
The magazines only talk about the two of them, how beautiful they are together and even if none of the rumors has been confirmed by them, i believe more and more that there is something between them and if so, my hopes fades even more.
I do everything to be forgiven by her, but nothing, she was clear in this, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.
But i don't give up and i won't until i can be forgiven even if it means waiting for her for months or years.
I'm hers, i'm not going anywhere without her.

I went to the school basketball match, but only because she's there.
Now i look for her everywhere, but she's always so far from me.
I want to show her my support, to know that regardless of everything i'm here for her.
And there she is, playing.
She's fucking beautiful.
Her toned legs run all over the gym, her muscled arms stretch up every time she tries to hit the basket, and her incredible abs that show up every time the shirt lifts a little.

Yes, her body is perfect but she's not beautiful just for that.
Her heart is beautiful, the person she's and i fell in love with is simply gorgeous.
I was a fool for making her believe that what happened between us was just sex.
I mean at the beginning i was convinced too, but only because i wasn't able to understand that there was much more, something deeper and more pure... love.
I regret having understood it late, having only understood it when she put the truth in my face.
But now i know and even if it will be hard to make her trust me again, i don't lose hope.

I cheer for her throughout the game hoping she would notice me and in fact it happens, her gaze moves on the audience until she meets mine and i feel like i'm dying.
My heart beats fast but then breaks when she goes back to ignoring me as if i weren't there.
I deserve it, but i would like to run away and cry because all of this hurts me.

The game ends so i decide to go and congratulate all the girls on the team in the hope that she deserves me her attention.

"Congratulations girls, you were phenomenal" i say as i approach their benches while they're taking their things.
She recognizes my voice, turns to me and looks at me silently, saying nothing while the others thank me.
"Oh Miss Olsen i'm glad you came to look at us, you're my favorite teacher" says one of the girls touching my arm.
I know she's looking at me and even though she hates me now, i know that's bothering her.
"Thank you Miss Lewis" i say embarrassed while i feel her eyes on me.
"Uhm Miss Olsen, do you think when the year is over i'll be able to invite you out once?" the girl asks me, clearly flirting with me.
I feel something fall to the ground, i look at y/n and at her feet the water bottle she dropped.
She looks at me before reaching down to pick it up.
I could make her jealous but i know it wouldn't be the right way to get her back.
I don't want to mess with her anymore.
I've been too bad and toxic with her i can't afford to make another mistake.
"Lewis, i'm sorry but i don't do things like that" i tell her and she seems to be a little upset.

There is only one person who can be the exception in my life.

"Oh sorry then"
"Don't worry, no problem" i smile and then go back to look at the girl i love hoping she'd noticed the way i just behaved and instead i see her in the distance as she goes to the locker room.

Oh that's hurt.

I decide to wait for her in the parking lot near her motorbike just to be able to talk to her, hoping she will listen to me.
It's pretty cold but it doesn't matter i would do anything for her.
After what seemed like an eternity i see her coming and when she sees me her expression became cold.
She arrives in front of her motorcycle and even if i'm right here beside her, she ignores me while she puts her things in the trunk.
I look at her and the more i look at her more i realize what i'm doing to her. She lost weight and no i don't think it's my impression.
It seems she hasn't eaten in a lifetime.
She looks so weak and tired, she barely takes care of herself.
It's my fault.
"Do you want to stare at me another bit?" she says out of the blue, i hardly even recognize her from her voice that was once so soft with me.
"Hey..." i greet her
"What the hell do you want?"
"Talk to you" i say
"Go away Elizabeth or it would end badly for both of us."
She doesn't look at me, like if i'm a monster.
"Look at me please" i pleaded trying to touch her arm but she blocks my hand violently.
She looks at me but the only thing i see is darkened in her eyes.
"Don't try to touch me, do you understand? I never want to feel your touch on me again. You fucking disgust me" i would like to cry but i can't, i have to be strong
"Please i'm sorry i-"
"Fuck do you really think an apology would be enough? Do you realize how disgusting you are? You're like everyone else who hurt me. You're like Aubrey, you defended me from her but you acted in the same way, you treated me in the same way, maybe even worse, because you knew how much i suffered for her but you don't give a shit, you just needed to fuck me because you have a shitty sex life, because your husband doesn't give you what you wants, but i'm not your fucking toy Elizabeth "
I don't know what to say, because she's right, i treated her like her ex, i abandoned her when she trusted me so much to reveal her feelings and i instead of staying i refused her.
But it hurts me to know that she thinks it was just that to me, just sex.
I felt real emotions when i was with her, every kiss and every caress was me and her, Robbie never had anything to do with it, i was never interested in replacing him with her because it was her and only her that i wanted but not i knew how to admit it to myself.