TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 73 - Not same blood

*A/N
I wrote this part listening I love you - by Billie Eilish if you want to be in the mood

Y/N'S POV

I walk with heavy steps, dragging my feet that would like to stop at every step and not continue the path to the Hell.
I see him there, the devil himself, the tormentor of my life, looking at me, judgmental, with a black frown.
He hates me and his hate i could even breathe it, it's in the air and it makes me suffocate, i feel like drowning.
Hold on y/n, do it for you, do it for Lizzie, do it for mom.
Yes for my mother, i'm here especially for her, to save her from the same death that i caused.

I stand in front of him, i keep my distance for fear that his darkness will harm me again, i'm in a happy place in my life right now and i don't want him to screw it up everything.
"Hi" i greet him, no emotion leaks from my voice and even less from his gaze.
"Sit down" he orders me sitting down as he adjusts his doctor's coat.
I do as he tells me, i don't want to fight, i just want to know what he wants from me and run away from here.
"Then why did you bring me here?" i ask nervously peeling the cuticles from my fingers under the table.
"I've heard from the department that takes care of the whole process of unplugging your mother and there are very long waiting lists, so the longer we wait the longer it will take, you have to sign these papers so we can keep the process" he explains with absolute coldness on the subject.

I can't believe it, a small part of me wished he'd be able to be more reasonable but he wasn't.
"How the hell can you talk about mom like that? Do you hear yourself talking? She's your fucking wife and she's my mother, i'll never let you do a crime like that!" i yell at him
"Look stupid girl i already didn't want to see you, much less hear your voice screaming at me, so sign those damned papers and don't act like a child!" he yells this time

Somehow this man always brings out the worst in me.

I want to cry, i want to run away but i can't.
As much as i hate him, he's still my father and seeing the way he treats me makes me feel so bad.
"Why are you so cruel? Why do you hate me so much what have i done to you? Why can't you be like any father who loves and accepts his daught-"
"Jesus Christ you're not my daughter do you understand that? You are a fucking nothing to me and if it weren't for the fact that i need these damn papers signed by you i wouldn't even be here talking to you! You disgust me! I can't even look at you that i feel disgust" his words are so true and at the same time fierce and sharp against me.
It should be impossible to think that a father really thinks these things about his daughter and instead it is.
I know he suffered because of what happened to my mom and thinks it's my fault but his hatred towards me has been felt since i came into the world.
I tried to put myself in his shoes like Lizzie told me but he seems unloving, maybe even for my mom because no one would do that to the person they love.
"Look i'm sorry for what happened, mom didn't deserve it and i know it's hard for you to see her in this condition, but it's not easy for me either, do you understand? This hatred of yours will lead nowhere" i try to speak to him with my heart in my hand for once, i touch his hand but he withdraws it immediately disgusted.
"Fuck don't try to touch me!" he yells, some people turn and look at him, he settles down, returning to a cold face.

As unsaid, this man is allergic to love and compassion and therefore he doesn't even deserve mine.

"I won't sign those papers, maybe you want to kill what little is left of our family, but i'm fighting alongside mom and Emma to rebuild what was destroyed with your hatred"
don't cry, i say imposing myself and chasing back the tears, i have to be strong in front of him.
He unexpectedly bursts into hysterical laughter.
"Haven't you understood yet? You are not part of this family and you will never be part of it, you have destroyed our life since your mother decided to give birth to you instead of having an abortion and for years-christ for years i had to accept it, i had to see your face, see your eyes so the same as hi-" he stops as if he were about to say something he shouldn't have said
"W-what were you saying? Who are you talking about?" i ask confused.
He sighs, adjusts the tag on his doctor's coat and then looks at me, his eyes are dark, of a darkness that almost wants to devour me.