TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 21 - Unusual family meeting

LIZZIE'S POV

There she is.

She's here in front of me, but at the same time she looks like a ghost, a body without a soul. She's unrecognizable, my little y/n doesn't seem to be there anymore, what's left of it's a faint, pale body that god knows how to keep itself on its feet.
Her face is so tired, the dark circles of those who have not slept in days are the only thing that colors her face. Our eyes meet, my heart starts beating fast, but when i look into her eyes it breaks me into a thousand pieces.
If the eyes are the mirror of the soul then i can really say that there seems to be no soul in her anymore, she's dead.
I would like to say something but she seems to understand it and immediately looks away, lowers her head and runs to sit at her desk.
Cassie behind her gives me a sorry look.
"Good morning Miss Olsen" she says in a low tone of voice
"Good morning Cassie" i say, but my eyes are on someone else.
She is sitting there, completely lost in her world.
I wish i wasn't her teacher right now, i wish i wasn't even a celebrity but just a normal person, a friend and run to her and hug her tightly to me, trying to rebuild her piece by piece.

The lesson begins, but while i explain i look only at her. Her body is here, in this room, but she isn't there.

"So as i was telling you this project will keep you busy until your graduation, i advise you to commit yourself and learn your parts as best as possible because it will give you many points.
I want you to know that for whatever you need i'm there, you don't have to go through this alone, ask me for help as often as you want, don't be afraid to do it" i say, referring in the last part especially to her. She seems to understand this and in fact raises her head to look at me, but when she sees that i'm looking too, she lowers it immediately.

Finally the lesson ends, i wait for everyone to leave the class so that i can talk to her.
"Y/n..." she doesn't give me her attention, i look at Cassie who is waiting for her and she understands that i need to talk to her friend.
"Maybe it's better if i leave you two alone for a while" she says
"We don't need it, i'm ready, let's go" she says coldly

"Y/n please"
"I don't have time Elizabeth"
"But you had the time to ignore me right?" i say raising a little the tone of my voice, anger and pain begin to make their way into me.
"You don't know what you're talking about Elizabeth" she says as she walk away so she can get out of the classroom.
"So tell me, i deserve it at least, i waited days without knowing if you were okay or not, you know how the fuck i felt!?" a tear falls on my face
"Goodbye Miss Olsen"
No, she can't disappear from my life again.
I run to her and stop her, locking her arm.
"Fuck y/n, i won't let you leave again, not without an explanation" she doesn't turn to me, i stay with my hand on her arm
"I thought about you every day, every hour, every minute. The thought that something bad had happened to you worried me but what killed me was not having you here with me, i didn't know where you were, with whom and especially why you disappeared like that that night, i missed you so much Y/n" i say sobbing no longer holding back my tears and bursting into tears
"Y/n please tell her the truth, she deserves to know" Cassie says with tears in her eyes too, then walk out the classroom and closes the door.

"What is the truth Y/n" i ask but she stays in silence for a while
"Why don't you hate me?" she says
"Just because i could never " i say, turning her towards me and i finally see her face, her eyes full of tears that would like to come out.
"Even if i wanted it with all of myself, i wouldn't be able to. I don't want to hate you baby" i say caressing her face but she stops me putting her hand on mine
"You should instead, especially after what i told you that night. Hate me Lizzie, please, i deserve it. I'm a monster" her coldness gives way to pain.
What led her to think this about herself?
How can she be so hurt that she even wants to be hated by people, especially by me.
"It was just words y/n, i know you didn't really mean it, i don't blame you becuase i know there was something wrong, but now i'm asking you to tell me, tell me what's going on. Something is killing you and i can't stand here and watch you die. Please baby" this time she lets her face caress, closes her eyes, relaxing at my touch.
"I don't deserve you, i only bring pain into the lives of others and i don't want to see you suffer because of me"
"You bring no pain, you have brought me happiness, light, a safe place to take refuge whenever things don't go well. You're the reason i wake up with a smile in the morning, because i know i'm going to walk into this classroom and see you sitting in that desk and that's all for me. The only pain you would bring me would be if you left, if you walked away from me. I no longer know how to live without you, without your hugs, without your cuddles, your kisses on the head and your laugh. I cannot and don't want to lose you. You changed my life Y/n, in better" i say crying