Locker 17

Chapter 92

*Harry's POV*

At this point I'm regretting my decision to go any further with this, but I can't back track. Not now. Louis has wanted this for so long, I won't let my fears to stop me. Fears are fears, you need to learn to get over them at some point in life.

I proceed to the bed, laying down on my back. My legs spread apart, something that I didn't think I'd do again, at least be doing voluntarily. I screw my eyes shut, hopefully this will make the images that are reeling into mind go away.

The trembling of my hands doesn't help. Louis noticed this when he asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, I still do. I want this to be right. Get over with for the most part.

I can feel my heart beating at an irregular pace, faster than it ever has. This is Louis who's with me, not Sam, I remind myself. Louis is hovering above me now, god he's beautiful. This being the only distraction I have from the cold, heart wrenching memories crossing my mind.

Louis swoops down, his body now pressed against mine. He rubs his hand on my arm in an attempt to calm me down, it does but only for so long. Every beat my heart makes is ten times louder right now. It's like all I can hear is the thumping of my heart against my chest and my breathing. If Louis were to start talking I wouldn't be able to hear him with how loud everything in my body sounds. It's the blood rushing through my body that's causing all this.

After Louis calms me down slightly, he lifts his body back up, my eyes are still screwed shut and my body is so sweaty. I don't know if I can take this. You can't back track now, my subconscious says to me.

I take in a deep breath as Louis gets closer to my entrance, no, no, no. And in the blink of an eye, I find myself back in my old room, three years back. Sam is knelt down in between my legs.

*Flashback*

"It won't hurt, I swear." Sam's tone is harsh, there's no turning back now. His eyes are dilated. The strong scent of weed bounces of his shirt, giving away he's high and might not know what he's doing. We're both naked already and even if I'd tried to stop him, he'd over power me. If this is what will get me through the year so I won't be alone, then maybe it's worth it. I can't live the rest of the school year sitting in the corner reading a a book everyday.

He says it won't hurt, he swears. "Stay still." He demands. How can I stay still? The shaking of my hands is unstoppable, the more I try to stop it, the more they shake.

I do as he says, he spreads my legs, moving them apart with his leg. His size is dangerously close to me, so close. His eyes and mine never leaving each other.

I can start to feel the hardness of it against my skin. It's cold and stiff, disgusting really.

"I don't want to do this anymore." I panic. I don't want this, not like this. He's only doing this to please himself.

"Yes you do Harry." Again his voice is cold, no meaning behind what he says.

"No, no I don't." I plead for mercy. Why didn't I think this through.

"It's only a one time thing, fuck. It's not like I'll turn fucking gay for you." He did warn me before. What we have going on is normal according to him. He says he's disgusted by the whole "gay" thing yet he's here wanting to take my virginity away. I've grown so many emotions towards Sam but he doesn't care and doesn't even want to know about them. The simple topic makes him uneasy, causing him to curse at me when I bring it up. I can't control my feelings, what else does he expect?

Everything in the room goes dark. My vision becomes unfocused, I can see Sam in a distorted way after he punctures his way inside me. The pain is unbearable and sharp. My crying is inevitable at this point.