Locker 17

Chapter 137

Songs for this chapter -

Unbreakable - Jamie Scott

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grande

*Louis' POV*

Drained out of all the energy I had, all the enthusiasm and hope, I step back inside my flat, defeated.

"Why are you back so early?" I hear my mum call out as soon as I walk through the door, she's already standing a few feet away from me once I have one foot inside. "What happened?", she asks concerned, hurrying to my side. My mouth is dry and I can't think of anything to say but one thing that burns at my chest.

"He's happy, that's all that matters, okay? No more questions, I'm tired.", she doesn't bother following after me when I leave her side, making my way to my room without saying another word. My mum stands there in shock, not knowing how to react or what to say, so she lets me be.

Without looking back or any hesitation what so ever, I climb back onto my bed and reattach the small wired patches onto my chest and turn on the small monitor that's supposed to record my every beat, but right now I wish there was no beat.

With the sound of the machine doing its job and recording my every beat, I lay down on the bed and just try to block out everything, everything that I saw today. A part of me wants to do it, but the other part of me can't help but think about how amazing he looked, so happy, and what hurts more is that it wasn't me.

*9 hours earlier*

"Morning sunshine," my mums greets me as I walk out of my room for the first time in months. I rush over to her, kissing her on the cheek as I snatch the piece of toast out of her hand and into my mouth.

"Well isn't it a lovely morning mum," I say, opening the curtains at the front of the kitchen's window, letting the sun's rays illuminate the place.

"Lovely it is, what's lovelier is seeing you this exciting and happy. Are you sure you're ready?" she asks, bringing the cup of tea up to her lips. My mum has always been the type of person who is always certain about what she says, it's surprising to see her questioning me when I've never been so sure of myself. I've been waiting for today for such a long time. There hasn't been a day where I haven't crossed of the date on my calendar, waiting, counting down for this day. Today is the only day I'm able to get off my bed and have a normal day again. A full twenty-four hours without wires attached to my body, a full twenty-four hours that I actually have enough energy to walk around and be productive. I don't think I've felt this alive in such a long time. Today is the day that everything will come out. No more secrets or lies, I'm starting clean.

It might have taken me a month or two to find and figure out where Harry is exactly but it's worth it, completely. Throughout this past few months I've been gathering enough energy to stand from my bed, do something so I could be cleared, even if it's just for a day. It feels good to walk around without wincing every two or three steps. I know the feeling is only temporary but I'm making use of it, seeing Harry again can't be more rewarding.

Everything that has happened, there's no one else to blame but me. I made things harder on myself that I could have ever done, but I didn't let life take it's course the easy way, because if I did, things wouldn't be how they are now. Maybe things did get complicated, more than they should have, though I wasn't about to give in to taking the easy way out, when you do that you end up with a dead end. Sometimes it's better to take the long way, no the easy way. Not all of it has been my fault, I wanted to answer every single call from Harry, I really did, and it was torture having that privilege taken away from me. In taking his phone call would mean I'd have to explain everything and I just couldn't, not then when I was in a hospital bed getting my treatments done, I couldn't drag him into my problems when he was facing the main one between us two. None of that matter anymore though, all the hiding and pretending is coming to and end today. With my surgery a few days away and seeing, trying to get back together with Harry today will complete everything. If I'm able to keep up the energy I have now and make it through the week, I can be ready in time for that big step. Harry is all I need to give me that strength to be able to go through it all, little does he know he's my safe haven too.