Locker 17

Chapter 95

*Harry's POV*

"I need sometime to think Harry. This isn't the place to do that." He takes one last look around the living room we're standing in and makes his way to leave out the door.

"I love you." I whisper right before he leaves. I'm only left to reflect on my actions. He left me. For good? I doubt that. He's right, he needs time to think about all this fucked up shit. I'm fucked up in the head that's what's wrong. I look back at those things and ask myself what the hell was I thinking? But I can't take any of it back and I probably wouldn't because things would've never have worked out the way they did. For all I know, Louis could be going out with some other dick from school who's keeping his sexuality a secret and I would be the one to brush his shoulders in the the halls everyday.

Sam was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me before Louis. If it weren't for Sam, I would've never met Louis, I would have never had what I have with Louis and I probably wouldn't even be here. I never really sat down and thought about how things would've been without Louis. This is the only time I have to do that.

The whole room is empty, quiet, and lonely. I'm stood in the middle of it with only the towel wrapping around my waist. The black shirt and jeans are laid out on the couch where Louis and I were previously at. He didn't give me a chance to change before he interrogated me, not that it was a bad thing.

I stride over to the items of clothing, slipping them on after I've put on my boxers. The blue and red ones, Louis' favourites. I can't help but smile at all the times Louis would pick them out every time he'd stay over at my place. I can't blame him for doing it, after all these were the ones I was wearing when he lost his virginity to me on his birthday. Magical day that was and the best one next to the day he told me he loved me back. It hurt when he said it since he had no idea what sick twisted plans I had before all of it.

After get dressed, I walk over to the balcony of the room. A small table is placed right on it with two chairs. I sit on the one furthest away from the railing, giving me a better view of the the city. I can't help but think of what life would be like right now if I would've never talked to Louis when he got back. I might have eventually talked to him, maybe? His mum and my mum would have introduced us again but I wouldn't of made much of it. I'd find him attractive, yes, would I have wanted to know him better, no. He'd just be another pretty face in school, nothing else. Even if my mum would mention him being a part of my past when we were kids, I really wouldn't have cared.

I lay back on the chair, resting my feet on the table. My hands move to the back of my neck, I attempt to enjoy the view but I can't seem to relax. Still, the visualization of what my life would be like still lingers in my head.

What would it be like? Louis would've entered school, gotten beat up by Zayn and would've probably not come to school for a week or two. I'd be out finishing up fucking the rest of the cheer squad to somehow forget about Sam during the time I did that. Louis would be home studying countless hours, his pen in between his teeth as he'd tried to concentrate. He'd be sat on his bed, legs crossed with a book right in front of him. I'd be out at bars drinking and hitting on some random whore. Louis' shoulder and mine would brush against each other in the hallways while we walked to class, making nothing of it. One day he'd get a text from Noah where Noah would declare what he felt for him. Louis would have no other options and would obviously go out with him. I'd be out miserable, hoping to find someone but there would be no one. Noah would eventually end up transferring schools to be with Louis because long distance relationships just don't ever work. I'd be trying to get my grade up when it'd be too late. Louis would have been getting offered a scholarship with the help of Noah being a smart ass too. He'd end up having an amazing life and I wouldn't be in it. For all I know I'd be smoking pot everyday wondering why my life was shit and it'd be because I never gave Louis that chance. I'd be living a miserable, useless life while Louis would have the best life he could've thought possible. Noah and him would be out at some UNI and be planning their lives ahead of them. I'd end up being a disgrace to my family and live on the streets. Louis would be having an amazing life if it weren't for me. There's too much shit he has to deal with about my past. Sam was bound to come up sometime in our relationship and he did. Maybe I'm not worthy of Louis, he's too great of a guy to be with me. If only there was some kind of rewind button to take it all back and do things how they were supposed to be done, the right way.