Locker 17

Chapter 125

Songs for this chapter-

All I Want - Kodaline

*Harry's POV*

"Are you sure you want to do this Harry?" my mum says, pouring the milk into her glass over the kitchen counter. She's being a bit hesitant about the idea of me going over to Louis' house and doing what I'm about to do. It doesn't make sense why she's so worried, after all she was the one with the idea.

"Of course I'm sure. Why else would I be doing this, Mum? If I wasn't so sure of what the outcome might be, then I wouldn't do what I'm about to do." I say, staring at my mum as she brings the glass of milk up to her lips. "He can't possibly say no to this, I know it. If Louis loves me as much as he says he does, then there's no way he'll say no. Besides, today marks six months since I said I love you to him, the day we made it official that we were, indeed, in a relationship."

The look on my mum's face isn't too convincing. The way she presses her lips together, giving me that look, just shows she's not in on this plan. It's ridiculous though. She can at least pretend to be happy for me, but no. Just last week she was the one encouraging me to do this because I was so scared of losing Louis. Now that I've lost him, she's being hesitant about this whole plan. Whatever the odds may be of things going wrong, I'm willing to risk everything so I really don't lose Louis. I can't risk losing one of the only things that really matters in my life.

Friday, when we split, I just wasn't thinking straight. In seeing Dominic and Louis, my adrenaline got the best of me. When Dominic said Louis had kissed him back, I, I lost my shit at that very moment. There was no holding back, what so ever. So many emotions came over me, the only thing I could think about is hurt Louis as much as Dominic's words hurt me, as much as it hurt seeing them kiss the night before. And I did just that. I ended it with him, because that's the only think could think of at the time. Looking back at it now, I know I could've handled things better, but I couldn't help it.. I have no idea how or why I said the things I said, they just came out so naturally, without thought. Maybe I meant everything I said, but I sure as hell didn't mean it when I said I wanted to face my fear. Losing Louis is a fear that I'm too scared to face, the fear that I hope I'll never actually have to conquer.

"Are you rethinking the decision you're about to make? This isn't a game or a joke, Harry, I hope you know that. This is serious, and you have to handle it seriously." my mum states, walking over to me. She doesn't say anything else, just stares at me as she rubs my cheek, gently.

I look down at the floor, the small box in my hand. There's no way in going to back out, not now.

"Mum, I'm doing this." I press, sure of my answer.

"Alright, it's your choice. But don't put your hopes up too high, you don't want to hit rock bottom of things don't turn out as planned." she pauses, taking in a deep breath before sighing. "Now go get him tiger." she says, smiling, giving me the confidence I needed.

As of right now, I'm leaving my flat with my head held up high, with all the confidence any man could have and sweaty palms. Everything will be perfect today, I just know it. I've cried enough, it's time to stop and move forward.

....

I've spent twenty minutes sitting is the dam car, over thinking everything. What if things don't go right? What if he feels pressured? I don't even know what to think now.

The small box goes back and forth from one hand to another, opening and closing it. It's not like in going to ask to marry him, just to promise that he'll be with me for a while, it's just a promise. Nothing too big or too much to ask for.

I might not be able to have a "forever" or a "happily ever after" with Louis because I know feelings eventually deteriorate , but that doesn't mean I won't go to extremes to do whatever I can to keep him for as long as I can.