Mountain Dew Red // Be More Chill + Dear Evan Hansen

📝Panic Attacks Break People📝

I might've just lost two out of my three friends and fuck. I feel so used.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of blood and puke

•-•~•-•~•-•

Jared loved Evan. No, scratch that, Jared loves Evan.

They had met at a young age. They would always tease each other, though Jared did most of it. Why he did it, neither of the boys knew, but it was what held them together.

So when Jared got the text from his best friend of several years, even when he refused to admit, saying that Evan thought it would be best for them to not talk anymore, did he break. All the walls he put because of his parents and the bullying, the walls he put up to hide his love for Evan, the walls that had turned into a dam, blocking out all the tears and sadness, they all broke.

The short boy started to uncontrollably sob and shake. He felt so used.

Evan had promised to never leave him, that they'd be together forever. But he lied.

He lied about liking him.

He lied about being his friend.

He lied about always being there for him.

He lied about never leaving him.

He lied about loving him.

He lied about every little thing and it hurt. It fucking hurt, so damn much and Jared couldn't take it.

Jared screamed as loud as his lungs would allow.

He screamed as loud as he could, still crying. He knew that if he didn't stop then one of his neighbors would come over to check on him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to shout out his pains and insecurities, to scream until his throat was raw. And so he did.

He screamed at the top of his lungs before coughing violently. Though that didn't stop him, no matter how sore his throat got, he would still scream.

He screamed for hours on end, surprised that no one came to check on him, before his violent coughs started to contain blood.

He could feel the warm substance slowly creep up his throat with every hacking noise he made. After a while, he could feel another warm, and vile substance submerge from him. Pretty soon he started to throw up, endless amounts of bile spewing out of his small mouth.

His throat burned and his tears felt like acid against his skin.

His eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying the whole time screams left his mouth, never bothering to wipe them, and now his face was covered with tear streaks.

He probably looked like a hideous garbage dump right now, but did he care?

No, he didn't care. Not at all.

Because he only cared about Evan fucking Hansen.

And he knew that he always would, no matter how hard he tried not to.