Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 19 - A choice with regrets Pt. 1

You must've misheard that. Levi just couldn't have said that. This must be a misunderstanding. There is no other option!

"Levi...I think I didn't understand you properly. For a moment I thought you said that we better part for a while." You forced yourself to put on a slight smile to loosen up the tension inside you, but the feeling of being kicked in the stomach won't go away. You suddenly feel very cold and every feeling from your hands and fingers vanished into oblivion. Cold sweat builds up on your skin and the sick feeling in your stomach becomes even worse. You wait eagerly, but patiently for Levi's answer to prove you right with your opinion, but you were wrong. Terribly wrong.

"No. You heard right. I said we should part for a while. Today's events showed me that I can't protect you if you don't let me. Which means you don't want me to protect you. This brings me to the solution that we better go separate ways for an unknown time. Like this, I can figure out if you're worth all the effort and you can find out if you really think you're ready for a relationship with me", He explained in his usual, monotone voice. But this time, it's bare of any emotion and affection. Your body had become a trembling and shuddering mess by now and the coldness from your fingers is spreading through the rest of your body. A bitter, inner coldness that sneaks into the deepest fibers of your whole being. Your arms had wrapped around your body, embracing yourself tightly while your gaze is focused on a special dark spot on the couch. As an anchor the be sure that you won't drift off into another reality.

"Y-...You can't be serious about this Levi. What's that supposed to mean? If I'm ready? What have I done wrong? And what's with all the sweet things you said to me? All the effort to get me into bed to overcome my anxiety? Is that all meaningless to you? You know I love you! You can't do this to me!" You pleaded desperately while tears roll down your cheeks, staining your lap with dots of moist. How can he do this to you? He said so often that he loves you and that he'll do anything to make you happy and to protect you. Why? What caused this sudden change of mind? It was a riddle you had no answer for.

"It's useless to cry. I already made up my mind about this. You better leave now. I don't want you to stain the couch with your tears!" He bellowed and you jump in fright at his sudden loudness. The couch? This is all he's worried about? Your heart is about to shatter into thousands of pieces and he cares more about the couch? You can't breathe anymore. Only with pain and misery, you manage to pump air into your lungs while you at the same time covering your mouth with both hands to prevent yourself from crying out loud.

"Levi...Please...you can't be serious. I beg you! Think about this. I love you!" You pleaded you begged, you tried to get close to him to touch him, in hope the feeling of your skin against his will wake him up from the stupid thoughts he's having right now. And in hope to wake you up from a terrible nightmare. But Levi stands and walks a few steps, turning his back to you and avoiding any closer contact. Even avoiding to look at you any further.

"I won't repeat it again. You better leave. Now! Or I'm going to throw you out." This is a threat, there's no doubt. This isn't like the time when he had his nightmare when he tried to scare you away. This here is completely different. But still, you can't believe it. How? You'd spent months together with this man you love from the bottom of your heart. He helped you to overcome your panic-attacks, he did it to get used to him, a man, and to enjoy the closeness and he did it to make you enjoy sex. And now? It has all been in vain. Everything has been a huge lie. Like driven from a foreign power, you stand up from the couch to walk around, taking a look at Levis back. But there was no movement from him. You stop in your tracks in the middle of the living room, staring into the nothingness while you're still trying to figure out if this is really happening.

"Levi...You can't be sure about this. You know there is always another way. Please talk to me. Together we can figure out a solution. I'm sure! You're everything to me! I don't know how to live my life without you anymore...Please think about this. My door is always open for you." One last desperate try to convince him to react, to make him regret his words. Hope dies at last.

"Hm? You're still here? You heard me. Leave, or I'm going to make you!" He barked from behind you. This is it. With his nasty and poisonous words, spoken in this cold and deep voice that he normally used to calm you down when you're afraid, to whisper sweet words into your ear, to assure that you're a desirable woman, to seduce you for some sweet and passionate love, all was gone in a blink of an eye. You can't hold back your tears any longer as they break free from your eyes while screaming in agony as you leave the apartment without looking back. You slammed the door close behind you and then, you ran. You ran the whole way home without even looking up from your way or to watch out where you're running. You just cried. You cried and you screamed your pain into the darkness around you, not caring about what others may think. Like driving by autopilot, you unlock the door to your apartment when you finally arrive. Your tears had stopped a while back but as soon as the door closed behind you and the "Click" of the lock told you that you're alone, you collapse on the ground. With your arms wrapped tight around your body as you curl up like a fetus in his mother's womb while your despair takes possession of you again, causing you to cry in pure agony. You cried so loud and desperately, that your voice became hoarse and sore in no time. It's as if your heart is dying slowly bit by bit. Shedding each hope over the passing months like leaves. Until one day, until now, there are none. No hopes left. Nothing remains. It all has been a terrible, cruel lie. Nothing more...

Their P.O.V.

As soon as Nina ran out of the door, Levi punched hard against the wall before him, causing his knuckles to burst open and stain the white wall with stripes of red. He yelled and screamed all his anger and pain out and collapsed on the ground, slamming both of his fists on it in addition. What did he do? What the hell did he do to his love? He had to do it. Levi knows Petra. He knows her all too well and he knows what she's capable of. She won't stop until she gets what she wants. Total control over him and his environment. But he won't grant her this victory. He will preempt her by robbing her from the satisfaction to do the same to Nina as to the last woman he dared to love. And there is no other choice but to chase her away. There's no other way to protect her. The moment when he saw her laying on the ground in the restroom, her face abused and painted with her own blood, how it dropped from her chin down to the floor and her shirt. At this moment something happened inside if him. He was shocked. No! He wasn't shocked. That's the word he's searching for, but it's still not strong or grants enough to describe the feeling he felt when he saw his love in this state. He was too appalled to react. Too horrified to do anything but to stare, letting Erwin do all the things he actually should do. Levi saw his comrades die, he saw his friends suffer, so many times, but to be confronted with the situation that the person he idolized and adored the most in this fucked up world was too much. Even for him. So he did the only thing he could think of to make sure this won't happen ever again. He rejected Nina from himself.

He yelled at her and threatened her and told her it would be better to part for an unknown time. And Levi told her all this mean and horrific things without even looking into her eyes. He can't stand Nina being sad. He hates it to see her cry and he hates it to see her in pain. And the reason that he's the one who caused this pain, felt like a kick in his stomach. If he would've looked at her in this moment, he feared he might give in and forget about his plan, just to hold her in his arms, that he would make up his mind about his decision and to take all his spoken words back to just have her around him. But he couldn't risk it. So he turned his back to her while spitting the poisonous words against the wall. But Nina's sad voice, her begging, and pleading, her repeated words of love where bone-crushing. They hit him deep inside and aimed right for his heart, letting it shatter into pieces. So as hers surely did as well. He sent away the best thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life, and now she's gone. Probably for good. But even when everything was spoken and every step was taken, that she will be safe from now on, Levi already regretted everything. Another wave of anger washes over him as he stood up swiftly, taking the next thing in his range, which was a large vase, to throw it on the ground. With a loud shattering sound, mixed with Levis own screams, the bathroom door suddenly flings open as Erwin stomps out with a towel around his waist and eyes wide open from shock.

"Levi! For fuck's sake, what's going on here?! What are you doing? And why are you crying? Wha..." Erwin broke his sentence to look around the apartment. "Levi...Where is Nina?" He asked once, but Levi didn't answer. Erwin steps closer to him, shoving the shards on the ground aside with his foot. "Levi...I ask you again: Where. Is. Nina?" He asked again, now in a more demanding tone. Levi quickly wipes his tears away but continued to stare to the ground.

"She's gone."