Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 27: More than just a crush? Pt. 3

Nina P.O.V.

I was so damn tired and worn-out by everything that'd happened, that I couldn't remember how I got into Levis bed. Did I walk in my sleep?

The last thing I could think of was, how Erwin and I made out in the moonlight last night...it felt like one of my lucid dreams I used to have, but it couldn't be more real.

I still felt as If I was hit by a car as if I partied through the whole night with tons of booze and magic mushrooms. I somehow felt kinda burned out, bare of any strength and drive to do anything productive.

As I rolled around in the bed, the silent rustling of the sheets the only sound in here that tells me I'm really awake, I looked at the clock on Levis nightstand, and I got the shock of my life. 12 pm!

"Oh fuck..." I murmur, rubbing my drowsy eyes as I raised to sit upright, sighing deeply, more memories of what'd happened the last hours and days washing over me.

I couldnt help but feel dirty. Guilty. Like a slut. A person you shouldn't be with and who doesn't deserve any kind of affection or love.

What kind of person have I become? I finally have all I ever asked and hoped for: A nice home, lots of great friends, and a caring and handsome boyfriend who would do anything for me.

How do I thank him for that? By falling in love with his best friend.

Yes...there's no need to deny it anymore. After all, that happened, and the way my body responded the way it had, there's no other way to describe it. I'm in love with Erwin fucking Smith!

There was a time not so long ago when I would've killed to have someone like Erwin as my partner. I guess I still would, but I'm taken, off the table, out of stock, so to say, it's impossible for someone else to have me. Except for one thing...I don't even want to think about it. The last time this almost happened, even if it was fake and for a reason, it still hurt as if my heart was shred into pieces.

Levi will have to break up with me if Erwin wants to fit in. Alone the simple thought of this lets my heartbeat quicken in fear, my throat tightens and I can barely breathe.

Erwin offered to take care of this situation, that he will talk to Levi about this first. Sure, I'm very thankful for that, but I also feel like a coward. I should be the one who tells him, but its too much for me. Everything now is all too much. I can barely fetch a clear thought right now, how should I keep a proper discussion with Levi? Or more...a fight. Cause this is what it will become for sure.

Even if I hate the thought, to let Erwin handle this will be the best solution. I won't have the mental strength to go through this without breaking down. Erwin knows Levi longer than I do and he can read people pretty good and predict their actions and thoughts. Maybe he will find a way to explain it. I don't know how, but he has to. He just....has to....

For at least another ten minutes, I couldnt bring up the strength to push the duvet off to rise. I was afraid of what happens when I leave this room. Afraid of the person who might wait out there. What will happen if we look into each other's eyes again?

Will he act like my friend again? What will I feel? Friendship? Affection? Love?

Laying in Levis bed, on his side, makes it even worse. The constricting and suffocating feeling of being a traitor. A cheater, but sulking and brooding won't help me. Not now, nor in the future. I have to try to act as normal as possible.

Mustering all my courage I could scratch together, I slid my legs out from the bed, tiptoes touching the warm parquet before the rest of my body follows. Just now I realize that I'm fully clothed!