Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 31: New facets of an Ackerman Pt. 1

Even though my last thoughts I had before I fell asleep were about Erwin and our secret, my dreamland was invaded by no one else but Levi. Again and again, I relived the hot and unrestrained night we shared to celebrate his early arrival.

My common sense said Bye that moment and all I cared about was to feel as much of him, as close to me as possible.

And Levi gave it to me. Hard, fast, and rough.

Even rougher as I would like it in one special case: That fucking bastard actually bit me!

I woke up a few times in the night, every 1 to 2 hours or so because I was laying on my wounded shoulder and it stung like hell, so I had to turn on the other side. What wasn't so easy, since Levi clung to me like a tick. Whenever I woke up, he was there, spooning with me or holding me tight to his body from the front, his calm face always close to mine or deeply buried in my neck. I couldn't tell if he was awake or not. He didn't move when I changed position, nor did his breath hitch or anything else. He breathed low and steady as if he was a little boy in his mother's arms.

How could I be mad seeing him like this whilst knowing that there was a time where such moments were out of question.

Physical wounds will heal in no time, and before I even know it, the mark will be gone again. Mental wounds mostly never do. They will get smaller, suppressed or repressed by other things that weight bigger, happier and who claim the main part of your mind and soul, but the scars will never fade completely.

What hurt someone's soul will always be present and show up in the most unexpected moments to torment us, remind us what once was and what shook our entire being up for all eternity.

But...If you count to the lucky dozens on earth that were able to find the special someone to mend your heart and make life enjoyable again, then you've hit the jackpot.

So did I. And Levi as well. I tend to forget that we needed each other for more than just love, more than just sex and closeness. Somehow, I felt that there was an invisible string that connected us. I was there for him when he vented to me what happened to him on the battlefield, and I listened. I never judged him for what happened, nor did I ever blame him or Erwin for the orders made.

I was just there, enduring his offending and harsh words that tried to push me away for good while his body screamed with all might for comfort and forgiveness, and in the end, I stayed.

In return, he listened to my long story about the one I used to love and who dumped me so mercilessly, only to be the first one to claim my virginity. The ten years of loneliness and anxiety that something like this might happen again, didn't mean a thing to Levi. He understood and gave me everything I needed to feel safe and comfortable, without pushing me into a direction I don't want.

I had never believed that there's a man is existing that'd understand my misery and I already accepted the fate of ending up alone without the experience of true love, but I was mistaken.

Levi and I, we both are not just lovers: We're soulmates.

We were meant to be together. Or at least that's the way I feel about our bond. That's my inner Disney princess talking, I know, but I can't think of a better explanation.

The moment when he came back and when we were together again, I felt this as well, and I keep asking myself:

What is it that pulls me towards Erwin that much?

It's not the same connection I share with Levi, that's for sure, but I feel a powerful force that makes my mind go numb and my body act on its own when he's close to me. Everything inside me craves for his touch, his closeness. I can't fathom what magic he possesses that makes me act like a crushing teenager around him. I can only go by the existing facts, that are: Erwin is kind. So damn kind and sweet that my teeth get cavities from it. On the other hand, that man is hiding such an incredible passion and desire beneath that cheeky smile that my knees get weak by just thinking of it. It was just a short and forbidden moment when I saw and felt it, but it was so intense that I undoubtedly wanted more. I wanted to know more about him, what deep abyss he's hiding beneath that handsome face, what dark secrets are lurking underneath that blonde hair.