Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 25 - Cut the ties and carry on Pt. 1

Erwin P.O.V.

I expected that this will be hard for Nina, but that it would be so terrible to watch and endure for me either?

The few moments when she was actually silent and just breathed were such a relief. I dont know If I would be able to endure her pitiful state much longer without caging her in my arms to never let her go until she will fall asleep, only to wake up again to find herself still caged within my arms. I felt helpless in this situation. If you want to be there for your special somebody, if you want to ease her pain, her misery, trying in any ways to calm or comfort her, but you cant, this undoubtedly will pull down your mood on a completely new level. I longed to be the one to whom she can come anytime to cry her eyes out, just like now when she needed it the most, but as soon as we arrived back home, leaving the deafening silence in my car, Nina went straight for Levis bedroom, claiming that she's tired.

If I had just known...

Moments after she disappeared behind the door, I heard it...the heart-wrenching noises of her pain. I didnt even need to be in the same room to know that she's crying into the pillow, in hope she can silence them. I heard it anyways, and it tore my chest apart grievously. I had walk up to the door, my knuckles already on the door to knock, but I didnt. I just stood there, forehead resting against the cold wood as I listened to her distress, until it eventually subsided and silenced. I believed that she had calmed down finally, that she found the strength to deal with the situation, but as I silently peeked into the room, I found her passed out from exhaustion, laying on Levis side of the bed with her face deeply buried in his pillow.

I felt tempted to just scoop her up and carry her to the couch, so I could at least have a close eye on her, to be there if she should need me or if she wants some company, but I figured, she surely wants to be alone. Otherwise, she would've chosen to sleep on the couch right away. She needs time and space right now, and who am I do deny it to her?

If Nina wants me to help or comfort her, and she knows that I will always be there for he, she will come on her own, thats the only thing Im certain about.

I leave the room again to let her rest, making my way into my own bedroom to follow her wise guide and take a few hours of sleep as well but once I was laying down, I couldnt stop my mind to think about the situation I saw myself confronted with right now. Levi is gone for a while by now, and I saw him handing his keys to Nina, which means she can come and go as she pleases, as if this is her own home. Not that I mind, for gods sake, No! Its just....so unreal.

There will be just the two of us, with Nina and one week of her vacation left, she surely doesnt want to be alone the whole time, which means she will spend the time here with me, except when we're at the gym for work-out. For the first time ever I suddenly find myself alone with her, confronted with the question if I would be able to keep my distance.

Hours later, I woke up again from my sleep. What actually was meant to be a short nap, turned into a deep and decent sleep. I felt groggy and I couldnt force my limbs to reply to my brain when I tried to get up. I somehow must've fallen asleep as I was worrying and wondering about my current situation, with Nina here, probably sitting next door.

For a little while, I sat in my bed, looking outside the window and watching the thick and grey clouds moving while I kept thinking about the kind and beautiful female just a few meters away.

"Hah....I guess Im just going to act as ever. Nothing special here at all..." I mumble under my nose as some kind of self-encouragement. In the end, theres nothing much I can do. I cant just attack and seduce her, even If I would like to. For honest and true love, there're always two persons needed, and I guess I finally realized that Im nothing more but a good and loyal friend to Nina, what's totally okay for me! At least Im allowed to be near to her. Maybe I can even overcome my foolish crush and find love on my own with another woman. That would be an improvement. Its about time anyways. Im not getting any younger, and I need some love as well. Cant wait forever for Nina to change her mind...not that this is ever going to happen. The sooner I find myself a loving woman, the earlier I can move forward in my own life. I want children after all. Someday.