Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 20 - What you deserve is what you get Pt. 3

With these last words of encouragement, you dress up to leave. Now it's all about acting inconspicuous. With a look on your phone for the time, the display says 5 pm. Enough time to sort your thoughts and prepare a few things at home for an emergency. After all, Petra is unpredictable. It's better to be safe than sorry. You take the bus back home as if nothing had happened today, driving the 8 stations until you hopped out almost in front of your home. A small path separates the building with your apartment from the bus station. Very comfortable, but since you've your own car, the bus is an exceptional solution for either short ways, or if your car should be broken. You fought the urge inside you to look around, to be sure that no one's around or watching.

It takes all of your self-control not to do so. With unlocking the door, you step inside and up to your apartment. You think back to yesterday when you laid here, behind your door, totally broken and an emotional wreck because of Levis stupid attempt to try to protect you. He has no idea what he's doing to you right now. It still hurts like hell, thinking back to the words he said. Even if you now know why he did all this, this isn't making it easier to understand and endure. It became your habit to be lonely and you're used to be alone with no one to talk to, but with Levi and Erwin, you allowed yourself, after months of fighting your fears and panic, to let these two men into your life, with the intention to never let them go again. Luckily, Erwin is the one in their team who has his brain in the right place. He knows about your past, and how you must feel right now, and he sensed that you needed him. Despite his own feelings for you, he was there when you needed him the most. And you were more than thankful for that. Now it's just Levi who has to be taught the same. And you're definitely going to do that when all of this is over.

After a proper apology from him, of course. Once in your own four walls, you immediately go into your bedroom, digging out a fanny pack. It's been years since you've worn this thing, but tonight, it's going to get a revival! You pack your smartphone, your keys, and a tiny bottle of pepper spray, just in case. Once this was done, you still have 2 hours left before the operation will start. Well...time to eat something and to distract you with video games. Even if all of this shit is your own plan, you can't deny that you're getting nervous, now, that the encounter with your maker comes closer with every tick of the clock. But "Calmness" is the magic word. This isn't the first time you've looked into the lion's maw, but the fact that you're about to force this encounter by your own free will leaves a sick feeling in your stomach.

~Timeskip to the moment of truth~

It's time. It's half to eight in the evening. You tried to eat a little, but the food won't stay inside. You puked everything out again as soon as the plate was empty. Damn...the last time you felt that sick and bad was when Levi made his first move on you after he'd rescued you from your abuser. The passionate kiss after that encounter left you sick inside at least as much as now...but that time...you didn't need to puke. Now it's different. This isn't caused by a panic attack from a man's approach, this is caused by pure nervousness and angst. But it's too late for withdrawal. Jean and Armin are now also involved in this mess and you can't let them down. So let's bite the bullet and face the beast!

After putting on the fanny pack, you dress up for a late night walk, paying extra attention to run around in your apartment very showy and to turn the lights out before you leave. Then, with a last deep breath, you leave, locking the door and walking down the staircase, taking the final leave of your sanctum. The evening air is icy cold, causing your breath to freeze instantly in an evaporating cloud from your mouth. You pull your neck up before you start to walk, always aware to look unsuspicious, not looking around and not slowing down or speeding up in your pace. When the destination of your trap came in sight, you look at your phone. 7:55 pm. Perfect timing. You slowed down a little bit until you would reach the line of street lanterns, to make sure to be perfectly on time. And when you stop in your tracks under the last lantern, staring in front of you into the dark nothingness, trying hard to believe that Jean and Armin are hiding somewhere before you with their smartphone in their hands, you take a very long and deep breath through your nose.