Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 35: Is this...the end? Pt. 1

Hello my dear lovelies!

Im finally back with a new chapter for "Past doesnt matter"

Im sorry that it took so long, but as some of my most loyals already know, heavy angst and drama always drain a lot of energy from me, so Im forced to take such chapters very slow to stay focussed.
And of course, another reason brought me to extend your patience this long...

Because I started a new story :D A premiere for me, if you will.
A werewolf/omegaverse story about Alpha!Erwin and an OC of mine.

Drop by and give it a read, if you want.

But I hope you first enjoy this new chapter of PDM, with lots of shed tears, heartbreak, and fight.

Enjoy!

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I can't even say for how long I was sitting in Levi's lap as I wept into his shoulder.

My endless grief and shame overpowered me in the end and turned me into a pathetic and sobbing mess. Levi knew it.

Levi knew from the day he'd come back that something wasn't right. I should've known better than lying to him.

I can't continue like this anymore. Thanks to my outburst and my tendency to always come around with the truth in the end, I can't avoid it anymore.

~I'm so sorry, Erwin. But your plan failed. I failed...I'm so weak...~

Levi's shoulder was soaked, and still, he kept going to stroke my back, holding me close, not daring to utter a word. I would give anything to know what he's thinking right now. Even through my endless and painful cries of anguish, I didn't feel him tensing up or shivering. Patient like an old, big mountain against time, he stayed calm and tried his best to bring me down to his level of calmness, without doubt, to make me finally vent to him.

There was no going back anymore. Not after this breakdown...

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't swallow, my throat hurt so bad, so as everything inside me, and every little move made it just worse. Every thought made me cling tighter to Levi, my fingers wrinkling his shirt in the process as I wrapped my arms around his back to keep me from falling and drowning until I felt his warm hand brushing through my hair, fingertips gently gliding above my scalp.

"Nina, calm down, please. I need you to tell me what's going on here, otherwise, I can't help you. As hard as it might be, I'm sure it's nothing we can't solve. Alright?" He murmured, lips hidden in my neck as his honey-sweet words tried to calm me down, but his choice of words, the way he said them...

It only made me suffer even more.

I backed up a little, hiding my face in both hands and wiping my swollen, tired eyes while my sobbing continued, and I shook my head in negation, telling Levi that what he'd just told me is out of my and his grasp.

I heard Levi rummaging for something, his body and legs moving in the process, and when he tapped my shoulder, I peeked through my slightly parted fingers, discovering him holding a handkerchief.

The moment when I want to take it from him, he already dabbed my soaked skin with it, gently caressing my sensitive and reddened cheeks and eyes. I let him do it, didn't fight against his care, but I couldnt help but feeling that I didn't deserve it at the slightest. Believing that this could maybe my last close and loving moment with Levi, I savored every little touch and drank his presence in as if I was a flower about to dry out. In the end, he handed me the handkerchief so I could clean my nose and I took a deep breath of relief once I was able to breathe normally again, repeating this a few times to gather strength and courage and to breathe the pain and fear away.

"I ... I ... have ..."

"Yes? What's wrong? What do you want to tell me?" Levi was cautious to speak low and calmly, but he could not know that every little, sweet word from him rammed a red-hot knife deep into my battered heart. Never in my life would I have wanted to hurt and cheat on someone like this.