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We lay on the bed and talked for ages . I took another shower , separate from Ace's one of course . The pain of it hadn't kicked in yet. I came out and got changed into one of Ace's few jersey that I now claim as my own and slipped on a pair of underwear before climbing into his bed . I think he was in his office , probably writing about how good our sex was .

A knock interrupted my thoughts . "You can come in" I responded loudly , wondering who it was and making sure that they heard me . "I got your diary thingy that you wanted and Ace is in his office incase you were wondering" Terry smiled handing me the notebook . "Thank you Terry" I grinned happily , taking it from his grip . Terry left , leaving me with my new diary.  I stole one of Ace's pens from the drawer in his nightstand and starting jotting down my thoughts .

Dear myself ,
I feel like writing dear diary is too embarrassing to say so I'm going to write to myself . It's true . Only my eyes are allowed to read these words on this page and it feels great so far . I see why Ace does this now and yes he is my inspiration for starting one of these .

I think I need somewhere that I can talk about anything . I can talk about anything to Ace and I know that but I can't talk about Ace to Ace. He just wouldn't understand and he'd be over dramatic because that's one of his traits whether he agrees or not .

Recently Raul died and I don't know how to feel. I haven't heard from my brothers since Ace sent the body back out of respect for them and me . It was kind of him to do that for me , especially since Raul did try and kill him while we slept . Anyways , for some reason I'm not angry at Raul anymore , it's like when he died , my anger disappeared with him . It still hurts though .

I'm not upset about 22 year old Raul dying , I'm upset about the 15 year old dying . I remember looking up to him and the man he was becoming . That 15 year old was still in him , maybe very deep down but he was there . That's why I'm upset .

But other than that whole incident, I'm okay for the first time in .... years . I'm not hurt and I've gone a couple of months without being hurt .... actually that's a lie , my father bet the shit out of me like 3 months ago. Anyways my hand is getting sore . How do I close this off ? Bye .

I shut my journal , admiring the cute pink cover with golden writing . I slipped it under my pillow . I want to play video games now . I got up and walked over to Ace's Xbox and before I knew it , I was playing a shooting game . I think it was called Call of Duty or something like that . No wonder why Ace has such good aim when shooting ; he is level 68 on this game . Okay maybe it's not the same as real life but it's still good .

I started to get really into the game but then I was killed . "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" I shouted angrily at the tv screen , almost throwing the controller across the room . "That wasn't fair , he didn't even shoot me" I grumbled angrily . I was playing on the easiest level and I still couldn't win .

Ace eventually wandered in . "Why are you yelling?" He asked while staring at his phone . "Shit" I yelled , giving up . "Help" I pouted , holding the controller towards him . "You're playing COD" he spoke surprisingly . "Yep now help , this dude keeps killing me" I hissed evilly at the tv . "Sofia that's you" Ace grinned while shaking his head . "Oh , well they look like me" I grinned , not being able to hold back my smile at my own stupidity.

Ace jumped up next to me , and within 2 minutes , he completed the mission . "What the fuck" I gasped . "Sof , that's the easiest level" he laughed lightly, earning a scowl from me . "Well it was hard" I hissed, taking the controller back. "That's enough, I'm over it" I stood up and immediately regretted it. The pain had finally started to kick in and I knew that in the morning I would be destroyed. My face dropped instantly and Ace shot me a confused look .

"You good?" He asked as I stood as still as a statue . "Yeah" I replied quickly before sitting back on the bed . "I'm good" I groaned slightly as I pulled the blankets back over my legs . Ace gave a weirded out look but quickly brushed it off .

"Look at what I got" I smirked , pulling out my diary . "Copying your very handsome boyfriend I see" Ace put on a proud tone and raised his eyebrows. "Very handsome yes , copying no , I'd say more like inspired" I muttered with a grin , sliding the diary back under my pillow . "That's a very good hiding place" Ace said cheekily . I shot him a glare before he grabbed me , pulling me into his arms . I hummed in satisfaction, the feeling of love lingering in my chest .

Ace's eyes were closed as he held me tighter . A moment of silence had passed with me and Ace just cherishing eachother's embrace .

"You know" Ace paused for a moment. "I've never felt like I belonged anywhere. Not at home , not in the Mafia , nowhere. But now I know where I belong ; I belong with you" he had a certain vulnerability in his voice while he spoke. I gave him a soft smile before I pecked his cheek and shutting my eyes .

Ace's POV:
She was falling asleep in my arms . I can't deny that I love when she sleeps in my arms . It drives me insane how I'm her safe place , I'm the place she would run to if the world was going to end . I'm never letting her go ; She can leave me if she wants , and I won't stop her but I'll never truly let her go . I can't erase the love I feel when she sleeps on my chest or how she looks when she first wakes up or even the way she plays with her hands ; as much as it annoys me .

But now that I've gotten so used to loving her , that if she ever leaves , I don't know if I'll be able to fill the hole that will be in my chest. I stroked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear . "I'm sorry for everything before and everything that might happen , just know , I will love you through all of it" I whispered gently as she slept on my chest . I got no response but I needed to say it , whether she was awake or asleep.

Yes this was the chapter that was half done and accidentally published and then unpublished so a lot of people were confused 😂 anyways , do any boys/men read my book , I'm just curious ?

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