My Big Brother's Best Friend Volume 3: Finding My Own Path (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 105: This Is For Me

Chris: Two days ago and yes I went by my self ( We were there just chilling and then a knock was on my door. I answers who was it then the person said Jason open up. I was scared in the stomach and I got super nervous because here I was with my ex and Jason was at the door. I wouldn't be nervous if I didn't like him but I thought to myself what the hell should I do) that's your little boy toy ain't it

Me: Yes omg what should I do I don't want to hurt his feeling and I don't want cause problems here tonight.

Chris: Hey I'm cool go talk to him and be real we just friends remember we aren't together. I'm cool I won't say a word.

I went and open the door the he looked on the couch then saw Chris.He didn't say a word to him he just told me to step outside for a minute so we could talk. I sat on the step and did the same. I was so nervous I couldn't look in his eyes because I was so scared. I really liked him and I wouldn't mind being with him but this feeling I got for Chris won't die.

Jason: why you looking so nervous relax Mjay I'm not going to lash out at you I totally understand all of this. So you guys back together?

Me: No we just friends. I'm sorry! ( I started to tear up a little but I just said I'm sorry it slipped out)

Jason: Sorry for what then he said I've been in your shoes before but I never thought Id be on the other end receiving it.i guess this is my karma coming to bite me in the ass. I know how hard it can be when you still love a ex and there wasn't no close-sure. It was even harder when you break up over something that wasn't such a big deal and if it's true love you always find yourself back so I know. You got figure that out and that's why I think we need to stay friends. I like you a lot and I know you like me but it isn't our time yet. I will say it like this if we were meant to be then we will be more than friends one day just not now.

Me: We weren't even together but it feels like a break up or we won't talk ever again!

Jason: Naw you know I can't diss you it will never be like that. I just was thinking about it from yesterday day and I think it's better this way that we just stay friends. I know you don't want hurt me! You a good nigga Mr Mjay I hope old boy knows that, knows how special you are and what you worth. Remember It's not about him, its about you and what you want in your life don't you ever forget that ( He came closer to me and he gave me a tight hug then kissed me so soft on my cheek.I just felt like I wasn't going to ever hear from him again. Even though he was talking about being friends he probably won't ever talk to me again. What he said got me thinking about my life and what I really want. I love Chris but it's been all about him for real. I need to really sit back and chill and figure out what I want in life. What I want and what my son needs in his life as well. I say right on the step and watch Jason back out of my yard then he pumped his horn then pulled off. My phone rang about five minutes later with a text from him saying fix that cute face man be happy I don't want you be sad. I just send him a big smile emoticon then he texted back saying that's more like it. It made me smile but I hope we stay in touch.

I went back inside then I went in the kitchen to start cleaning it up when Chris was just asking me to if I was ok. I said yea but I still wasn't saying much to him like normal. He came in the kitchen as I was cleaning the dishes he put his arms around my waist then he he kissed me on my neck. I just couldn't take it then I pushed him off. He was just looking at me like I was tripping out but I wasn't I just starting to understand what my mommy really meant when she said grow up when it comes to love. Yes this could be real love but that don't mean I should always run back when the other one see fit. I love this nigga to death but I need to figure out on my own if this is what I really want for myself to be off and on in a relationship. I know relationships have it's ups and downs but no one ever leaves they stick it out and the fact that I was the only one sticking it out what does that say about Chris. I always was the one getting dumped.