"I hope I gave you some to believe in, cause none left for me."
"The softest soul can't hurt a fly."
"If I die before I wake, then it's my soul for him to take."
"We can do whatever we want, but boy don't you dare go falling in love."
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Waking up the morning after was not easy, I slept in my hoodie and two braids that Serena did me a favor by doing. She was sleeping right next to me, I was honestly deciding whether or not to go into work or call in sick. I popped another pill and put a chair next to my window and open it. I light my cigarette and smoke it, it didn't really help, my mind was pacing in circles. I checked my phone and buck left me 30 missed calls. I grabbed my clothes and headed into the bathroom for a shower.
I sat in the tub with my knees to my chest while the hot water was stinging my back. My skin was all red, I then took an actual shower, as I was looking for my moisturizer I found my blade on the top of the mirror where I always hid. I guess I must've forgotten about it, it was new, the blade was still in parchment paper. I then start to remember all the relief I'd felt before when the sharp blade made contact with my skin. I wanted to feel that again but I was startled by the knock on my door. Shit, I dropped the blade on the ground and I put it back were I found it. "I'll be out in a second!" I then realized that I lost my voice from all the screaming last night.
I got out and Serena was wide awake, "sorry hermanita but I got to go to work, I want to call out but I can't I have a celebrity or influencer coming in and frankly I don't care enough to know their name, I just want the money." I nodded, "it's okay." She looks at me scared. "A bad bitch always loses her voice, text me if anything. I ordered you breakfast by the way, it's on me today. I'm gonna come back later, kisses." She leaves and I go back into the bathroom and stare at the blade. I make a little cut on the top of my thigh, the stinging felt so good. I noticed it started bleeding a lot so I placed gauzed on it, I wrap some tape around my thigh with the gauze and start to blow dry my hair.
I go downstairs, feed Luna and get the food that was at the front of my door step. I eat while watching cartoons on the TV, I soon realized my shift was about to start but I said fuck that. "Hey Bobby, I won't be able to come into work today, I- I lost my voice." I was kinda glad I did, it gave me an excuse, he knew that I didn't want to come in. I went to go look for my laptop and the as soon as I opened it up, I saw the pictures I was editing of me and buck. I deleted all of them and took a quick glance at the wine cabinet, tears started falling down my face. "Forgive me mom for what I'm about to do."
I popped open a bottle of red wine, I had to climb the fucking cabinets to reach a wine glass. I filled it up a little more than halfway, "Luna, you never saw this." I sat on the couch and started downing the wine, SpongeBob really takes the pain away. _________________________________
"Cmon buck get out bed and go to work." Taylor was nagging him, "n-no i can't see her, I broke her heart. If I go I'll only make things worse." She scoffs, "you did what you did now accept it, buck what did you think was gonna happen?" She genuinely wanted to know and tells him how stupid he was, before he could speak Taylor opens the door and Bobby walks in. "Where is he?"
"Up those steps." Bobby quickly found buck under his covers and he pulled it off of buck. "Cap? What are you doing here?" Buck was bothered by the amount of sunlight in the room. "I called him because your still in bed, feeling sorry for yourself which you should be for being an assshole-" Bobby tells her to cut it out. "Either you get up and get ready for our shift, out of your own free will or I will drag you out of this bed Buckley." Buck grunts like a child and pulls the covers over his face. "I can't be there around her, Bobby, she already hates me and wants me dead. I can't see her break down in tears again and ignore me, everyone hates me right now."
