there are many types of pain. theres pain that seeps through your very being and engulfs you in its flames of worry and doubt. theres pain that lingers on the thin surface of your skin, dragging you down but not far enough for you to fall. theres pain where you want someone to tell you that its okay and your going to be okay and that your not a mistake, and theres other times where you dont want anyone to say anything, you just want to get it off of your chest. and right now, yoongi was in pain. and there was only one place that he could think of to go, to jimin.
with jimin, all of your worries and tears are safe. hes a safe place where you can store all of your heartache, and it will be healed overtime. because jimin didnt yell at you to man up and to keep it together, and jimin also didnt fill you with encouraging words of reassurance, either. he simply listened. and that was better than anything else. he would listen with open ears, as he gently patched up all of yoongis cuts and bruises, both literally and metaphorically. by the end of their chats, yoongi would feel refreshed and jimin would feel satisfied, yoongis legs scattered with new arrangements of many colorful band aids.
"so whats on your mind, hyung?" jimin said gently, smiling softly and looking with curious eyes. yoongi hums lowly, hands automatically going to pick at a scar on his upper thigh which was one of his many nervous habits he had yet to break. yoongi always did this, hesitated to tell jimin what really was wrong. because most of the time, yoongi didnt even know himself. he knew he was sad, upset and confused, but he didnt know why. and for some reason that made him feel extremely pathetic, like he didnt deserve to have such an angel like jimin listen to his petty problems. "oh, hyung." jimin said sadly as his soft finger tips ran on yoongis cut up legs. he then glanced back up at yoongis face before standing to go retrieve a first aid kit.
"here we go." jimin muttered under his breath once he returned, as he then raised yoongis legs up, laying them on top of his own lap and unlocking the top of the kit. yoongi watched as jimins nimble fingers brought out seven band aids, going to unwrap the first one. once he did, he set it right over the small scratch above yoongis left knee and gently rubbed over it with his hand to make it stay in place. he proceeded with that same process for the rest of the injuries, and by the end of it all, yoongis legs were scattered with brightly colored band aids. jimin always loves buying the neon ones for yoongi, because he doesnt wear a lot of color in general, so he wanted to give him some.
"so are you gonna tell me whats going on in that head of yours, or what?" jimin said jokingly as he runs a smooth hand through yoongis tangled hair. yoongi breathes deeply before nodding slowly, watching as jimins lips turn up into another small smile. "music." yoongi finally gets out, watching as jimins eyes widen knowingly, because yoongi has ranted to him about this many times before. "you know i love music, i know you know. and jiminie, i love it so much it hurts. its what makes me love this world and appreciate almost everything in it, it makes me feel like im worth something and that i have a voice too. i need it to survive and i know thats the truest thing i've ever said."
"but theres this thought, ringing through my mind every time i think. and it says 'your not good enough.' and im not good enough, jiminie. i know it. and you probably know it too. my lines are messy, my equipment cheap, my tempo is off and my lisp is loud. and im not good enough." yoongi said, angrily clenching with his eyes closed and breathed deeply, tears threatening to make their way from his eyes. "but i wish that i was." he said in a now smaller, and much more timid voice. once jimin decided that yoongi was probably finished, he pursed his lips. "if you feel like you are going to crash, step harder, kid." he then said simply, eyeing yoongi.
yoongis body tensed. "jimin, those are my-" he started but was soon cut off, "i know what they are. take your own advice, hyung." jimin said softer now, in a way that made yoongis heart beat faster. because jimin knew his lyrics, his lyrics. and that made him prouder than he had ever been. "you- you listened." yoongi said shakily, happiness racking his thin body. a while ago he had given jimin a rough copy of a couple of his tracks, not expecting him to even give them a listen. but here jimin was now, quoting his lyrics, and he was oozing with pride. "of course i did, yoongi. they were all beautiful." jimin said, chuckling softly and smiling that blinding smile of his right at yoongi.
and then jimin took a sharp breath. "and- and i- i love you, and your beautiful." jimin suddenly bursts out. it was unexpected, and followed by a fit of coughs from yoongi choking on his next words. "i- we- what?" he says in surprise, breaths coming out in rapid gasps for air. jimins face is red all over and his lips are set into a slight quiver, embarrassment and shame taking over his body. "im- no- im sorry- oh god that was so sudden- yoongi, im so sorry." jimin stutters out, cutting himself off several times while trying to find the right words to say. yoongi doesnt know what to say either, making a thick blanket of tension wash over them.
yoongi pushes all of the scared thoughts out of his head for the time being, leaving only one thing left. "i take that back." he says suddenly, making jimin turn his head quickly in the direction of his voice. "there is one thing that i love more than music." he then says, making jimins face scrunch up in utter confusion. yoongi has never loved anything more than music. yoongi stares straight ahead, not daring to look at jimin as he slowly says his next words; "and thats you."
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a/n hey babes! i hope you liked the last chapter and this one too! i though this was cute and its in honor of yoongi slaying us all with 'nevermind'!!!!!!! i dont know if im mentally prepared for this comeback guys...i might die. ("i dont give a shit, i dont give a fuck" -min yoongi 2k15)
lots of love, namjoon1994 !
