jimin always had a habit of doing this, blaming himself. it was a bad habit, too, one that never did him much good. especially in this particular situation, because blaming himself made him feel so guilty he wanted to die. a few months ago there had been an accident, one involving a slippery road and not-so-good weather conditions. yoongi had been driving back home from work, just like he always did, and that deadly combo caused him to loose his sight all together. jimin couldnt help but feel like he couldve prevented it somehow.
"i could give you my eyes, you know." jimin brought up one evening, whilst helping yoongi change into his pajamas. yoongi froze and looked in the direction of jimins voice, a disbelieving look on his face. "i mean, you probably need them much more than i do an-" but yoongi stopped him there, "dont." he said seriously, clenching his eyes shut. they were a light grey now, ever since he had lost his sight they had turned that color. jimin missed his dark brown ones. "dont ever suggest that again." yoongi continued, voice steady and unfaltering. jimin just sighed lightly, "im being serious, yoongi."
"i know. i know that you are but i dont want that. i dont want to take something so precious from you, jimin. i could never. so please dont ever offer me your eyes again." yoongi explained, voice still in the same, unwavering tone it always had when conversations got serious. jimin merely hummed in response and slumped his shoulders. later that night, as they sat beside each other in bed, jimins hand wound up in yoongis hair, jimin decided to ask him something.
"do you miss anything else besides writing and making music?" jimin asked him gently, carefully, almost. yoongi paused, his lack of sight wasnt really a sensitive topic for him anymore, it used to be, but now it was just something he would have to deal with and that was that. "yeah, there is. im not going to tell you, though." yoongi mumbled, eyes still shut and lips pressed into a thin line. jimin giggled softly, "why not? c'mon." but yoongi still shook his head at him, "you're going to laugh." he said, shrinking into himself shyly.
"i wont!" jimin quickly reasoned. yoongi sighed, "i- i miss your smile, of course, stupid." he muttered, face going red. jimins smile dropped, sadness in his eyes. "i- i miss your smile and the way your hair looks in the morning and the color of your tan skin, i miss everything. even though you're with me, i still miss you." yoongi continued, sniffling a little. jimin stayed silent, pressing a loving kiss to yoongis forehead. "im afraid i'll start to forget what you look like." yoongi mumbled suddenly, voice cracking from the lump forming in his throat.
and jimin suddenly wanted to cry. he even felt the tears forming in his eyes, but no. he would stay strong for his boy. his beautiful, wonderful boy who didnt deserve what had happened to him. his boy who lost his sight and was now unable to do the things that he loved. jimin didnt deserve to cry, it hadnt even happened to him. jimin used his strong arms to pull yoongi into his lap, cupping his face gently in his hands.
"why are you still closing you eyes, baby?" jimin asked quietly, watching yoongis face scrunch. "i- i know if i open my eyes and i cant see you, i'll cry. i'll cry so hard, jimin." yoongi said weakly to him, voice quavering. jimin leaned forward an pressed their foreheads together. "its okay to be sad, you know? its natural, after all you've been through. you're allowed to cry, always." and yoongi did. he cried and cried until he had no more tears left and jimin held him through it, rocking them back and forth and pressing light kisses to his tear stained face.
so, yeah, maybe being blind really sucked and sometimes yoongi would rather be dead than to have to wake up to complete darkness but it was all alright. because he had jimin and he didnt need to see him to know how much he loved him and just how beautiful he truly was.
//
a/n IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM WORKING ON A NEW VKOOK BOOK AND IM VV EXCITED FOR IT bc im deleting my vkook book "gone" and my first yoonmin book "different" i apologize. im just not happy with them ugh. (thank you all for your kind messages on my last chap, you all mean the world to me)
lots of love, namjoon1994 !
