(a/n due to popular demand, this is part two to "hesitation" which was the last chapter!~ oh and this is angsty, sorry babes.)
"you." yoongi said, making the air between them suddenly still and tense. all of a sudden, jimin let out an airy laugh, startling yoongi half to death. "good," jimin chuckled, taking a deep breath of relief, "because i love you too." but to jimins surprise, yoongis face hadnt shifted from the cold and serious look it had held even before he said those words. "but- theres uh- theres something else." yoongi said to him, shifting his weight from leg to leg in anxiousness. jimins eyebrows scrunched, looking to yoongi for what he was going to say next.
"i have this- this thing. uhm- i have this dumb thing called cancer thats eating me up from the inside." yoongi said to him in one long breath, pushing the words out like he had to force them out of his mouth. jimin felt like he had the breath knocked from his lungs. he trained his eyes on something ahead of him, lost in his own train of thoughts spinning through his mind more like a roller coaster than any train hes ever seen. "okay." jimin breathed out, his chest heaving up and down in an attempt to process this. yoongi merely hummed questioningly.
"we'll- we'll be okay. you'll be o- okay." jimin said shakily, attempting to stand tall and strong for the both of them, now. "im dying." yoongi said bluntly, making jimins head spin so fast he felt like he might pass out. "shit- i- i know th- that, yoongi." jimin responded to him in a rushed slew of words, mind on a tilt-a-whirl. after moments of silence there was an, "im so sorry." from yoongi. because in all honestly he didnt know what else he couldve said. nothing was going to make this better.
over the next couple of months, the weight on jimins chest kept getting heavier and heavier. every doctors visit and coughing fit made jimin cry himself to sleep, fear drenching his emotions. "how long do you have left?" jimin asked him out of the blue one afternoon, as they laid with their bodies presses together on the small couch in the studio. yoongi sighed, "its always hard to tell, you know that." yoongi said to him, hand soothingly running up and down jimins arm. "how long?" jimin persisted, eyes clenched shut in frustration.
yoongi let out another sigh, this one quieter. "about eight months." he then told jimin, making tears well in the younger boys eyes. "but im on my tenth." he continued, trying to ignore the obvious tears streaming down jimins pretty face. never in his entire life had he ever felt this scared.
he died on a sunday.
it was a normal sunday for the both of them, jimin spent the day with him at the hospital and offered to skip work to stay with him, only to be forced to work by a laughing yoongi. he shouldve stayed. when he got the call, he didnt cry. when he walked home early from work, he didnt cry. when he passed the studio, he didnt cry. it was only when he was welcomed back home by his best friend, did he cry. and taehyung knew, he knew exactly what had happened and his heart ached greatly for jimin.
"i- i shouldve stayed." jimin sobbed into taehyungs loving chest, shaking the both of them. "its okay, im here you're okay." taehyung whispered to him comfortingly, hands wrapped tightly around jimins sobbing figure. "he loved you more than the sun and the stars." taehyung told him. and it was true. jimin still didnt know if he had ever cried this much in his entire twenty-some years of life.
"i'll always be around, even when im physically not." yoongi had told jimin once, when the doctors had found new cancer cells. jimin didnt exactly get what that had meant at the time, but he understands now. he stood on the porch of the small two story house he shared with taehyung, morning sun splashing his face and body with warmth. and he knew then that yoongi was the rays of sun on his skin and the fresh air that he breathed. and he was the wind blowing his messy hair in every direction. yoongi was everywhere, jimin could feel it. and for the time being, that fact alone made everything feel okay.
//
a/n thIS WAS SO SLOPPY AND PRETTY SAD I APOLOGIZE DEEPLY IM VERY TIRED AND UPSET RIGHT NOW
lots of love, namjoon1994 !
