Imagine If You Assembled the Avengers: Volume 1

Lost (Steve Rogers x reader)

You were 24 hours away from leaving for a quick intel gathering mission to D.C., but as Steve and Clint prepared to go, it was all you could do to keep your mind focused on the task at hand; breathing. There was an ache in the pit of your stomach, your hands trembling ever so slightly. It was so slight that maybe the others wouldn't notice, but to you it felt like they could shake the world. Sitting in your room, you at least felt secure in your solitude.

What if I screw this up like I did last week?

What if Steve thinks I'm an idiot?

What if I'm just not good enough to be an Avenger anymore?

Someone could get hurt because of me.

Your own inner turmoil was eating away at you. The ruminations over unlikely scenarios only fed into the self-doubt and anxiety about things that weren't even within your control. It was too close to deployment for you to use your medications, since they made you groggy and definitely unsafe to wield any sort of weapon.

I'm gonna lose it, I can feel it. They're all going to see this. What am I gonna do?

Okay, (Y/N), we need to calm down. Just breathe...in...out.

Ok, maybe I can do this. In...out...

~~~

Barely just one week prior, you were on a search and rescue op with the Captain, working undercover to infiltrate a HYDRA science lab. As you entered the lab and spoke with 'fellow scientists' in your false persona, your anxiety began to rise within you. The fear of being caught was overbearing, and it nearly cost you the mission when you were frozen with fear during the extraction. Steve knew full well about your struggle with anxiety but refused to treat you with kid gloves. He trained you to be a fighter almost as good as Natasha, and your wit easily matched Tony's. You should exude confidence, but your brain had its own agenda.

"(Y/N), I understand that this is difficult, but you need to find a way to get this under control. I can't lead a mission and have to worry about this, and to worry about you." Steve was sitting next to you as the jet carried you both home. Regretfully, he shook his head at his own words. "Wow, that sounded harsh. I didn't mean for it to."

"I know."

"I do worry about you, (Y/N). Have you tried talking to Tony? He might have some insight?"

You scoffed at this, "yeah, we've talked. He has his own methods that might not work so well for me."

Steve was confused now, looking at you curiously with an eyebrow raised. "His own methods?"

Leaning back against your seat, you let out a small laugh. "Yeah, he creates murderbots, remember?"

He gave a quick tap to your knee and stood, looking down at you with a smirk. "Point taken."

~~~

As you clasped the final buckles of your safety harness closed, the clicking of the metal was so loud in your head that it was near maddening. The only thing louder was the sound of your own racing heartbeat.

Not now, please...

This is simple, come on. Just drop in, get the files, and get out.

But what if there's someone down there? What if I get caught? Steve will never let me go on a mission again.

"(Y/L/N), are you in position?"

Taking a deep breath to calm your voice, you whispered into the communicator on your wrist, "Yes, Captain, I'm here." Another deep breath. "Drop in 30 seconds."