Imagine If You Assembled the Avengers: Volume 1

Well, I Wasn't Expecting That (Deadpool x reader)

"Want a bite?"

"What is it?" you replied, eyeing the mystery wrapped in tin foil that Wade was holding at your face. Your nose crinkled a bit at the smell of it, a cross between something Mexican and something he found on the sidewalk.

"That's a chimi-fucking-changa, baby! I thought I lost it, but look! It's still good!"

You turned your face away with a grimace, the scent now taking over your senses. "No, Wade, thanks. I'm good." When he finally pulled it away, you looked over at it but found the sight no more impressive than the scent. "How old is that?"

"I dunno," he mumbled with a full mouth, "couple weeks."

"Gross."

"You're gross," he snickered, taking another massive bite. "this is not. See the difference? This is actually going in my mouth."

"Yeah, keep the dream alive, sweetheart," you scoffed. "Never gonna happen."

You had been keeping Deadpool company as he waited for his prey to pass by on the highway below, sitting on the edge of the concrete bridge with him for the past hour. Between the man in the bright red suit next to you and his blaring music playing in the background, you were a little surprised that no one had come along to ask you to move yet. "Are we wrapping this up any time soon? I did have things to do today."

"Oh, well I'm soooooo sorry to keep you, (Y/N). I know that my social calendar isn't exactly impressive since I've taken on this roasted marshmallow face," he snickered, pulling up the mask to stick out his tongue, "but it's not like I don't have better things to do either. Do you think I enjoy sitting up here, waiting for this twat waffle to drive by whenever he fucking feels like it? Like my time isn't as valuable as his?"

"Yeah."

After a few seconds of a blank stare, he nodded his head energetically in agreement. "Yeah, I do. It really brightens my day. Let's face it, if I didn't have this, I'd be at home listening to Mariah Carey on repeat, crying into my pillow and dry-humping my mattress." He sighed loudly and paused, reflecting on the image that he had created in his mind. "I've gotta flip that girl over when I get back," he whispered to himself. "I owe her that much."

"Okay, so anyway," you groaned, checking your watch and turning back to check the oncoming traffic below. "Seriously, Wade, how much longer is this gonna be?"

He gasped and turned to you, bringing his hands to his face in surprise, "Oh. My. God. You have a date." He reached out and gave you a push on your arm that threw you off balance slightly, grabbing it quickly when he remembered how far up you were perched over a hard death if you fell.

"I do not."

"You do!"

"Okay, maybe I do," you relented. "But it's nothing, okay? It's just a fling, nothing serious." When you turned to look at him his gaze was lowered, and even though you couldn't see his face, you knew he was suddenly saddened by something. "Wade? What's wrong?"

His shoulders hunched forward and a shudder rattled through him as he took a deep breath, preparing himself to say what was on his mind. He leaned forward just slightly with a regretful shake of his head. "I...I..." he paused, pointing at the ground below, "I dropped my fucking chimichanga!"

"And with that, it's time for me to go," you huffed, pushing against the concrete beam to lift yourself slightly, leaning forward and dropping into the open air below. Timed perfectly and with flawless accuracy, Peter swung past and grabbed you in mid-flight.

"Whaaaat?" Deadpool gasped. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. Bastard can catch my girl but he can't catch my goddamn chimichanga?!"