To Keep Going On

NOT AN UPDATE

So, readers may be confused or some even angry that Beam decided to move on from Forth.

First, this is what this book is all about and what I wanted to do and already done so hopefully, you still read it. If not, then no worries.

Secondly, when did I say he moved on from Forth? Because he kissed a man? Or because he decided to let go of the past?

Last chapter is where Beam finally moved on from the state of misery he had been stuck in for years, maybe even before what Forth did.

In last chapter, Beam acknowledged how it was his life and only himself and his kids matter to him. No one else. And no one else had the right to judge him for how he lived or try to run his life the way they want.

He won't allow it anymore. No matter who it is, Lam, his dad, or Forth or even Alex, no one has the right to butt in his life or call him out for his life decisions when no one was there for him when he needed them. Lam was not a brother to him for about 20 years of his life, he had no right to act above anyone else or shout at Beam for kissing the man he wanted to kiss or forgiving Kit.

His dad left him for a mistress. He didn't return to even look out for his son. For 20 Years!

He had no right to blame or judge or whine either.

And Beam owes Forth nothing!

Yes, Forth is suffering. But that did not erase what he did to Beam. But at the same time, the moment he decided to do what he did, it was because he was hurting. To him, he was betrayed and hurt immensely in love. The same way he ended up hurting Beam. The only difference was that Beam turned out to be innocent while Forth ended up screwing his own life along with Beam's.

That guilt has killed him over and over in past years. But his guilt can't do anything to lessen Beam's pain.

This book is not very conventional as it breaks many clichés.

It showed many forms of true love. Like the bond between Beam and his adoptive sons or the bond between Beam, Pha and Kit, especially Beam and Kit. The bond Lam had with his aunt and later on with Beam. The hurt and betrayal Beam felt was one thing, many people feel betrayed in love. But this book highlighted how betrayed Lam felt when Forth broke his trust in him or when Tim decided to stay friends with Forth instead of him.

It showed how values and morals can affect upbringing and parents affect their children's lives. The way Beam was raising his sons and the way his own parents had neglected him in his childhood. The way Pete turned out, all thanks to his parents but how Thada rebelled against his unruly family because he did not want to end up like them. It showed how a parent's love and trust can turn a weak and lonely girl like Prae into a lioness and how a child with single parent yearns to have both like Dome does.

It recognizes the toxic relations and highlights some dire everyday issues that otherwise are romanticized like dating abuse, over possessiveness, obsession and drunk sex. Kit's story told us how dating abuse from years ago lowered his self esteem and hurt him psychologically. He was still not over his pain. Hell, he may never be over that humiliation. Kit in this book acknowledged the difference between love and fear. He did not stay with Ming out of love. He only stayed because he was too scared to leave and face the consequences.

In many shows and stories, drunk sex is romanticized to no end but it was not drunk sex for Kao. The boy slowly grew from a quiet, desperate boy struggling for survival to a fighter who acknowledged how that night was nothing more than a moment of weakness for him and attempt to show his dominance for Pete. It was not love for Kao unlike many other characters, unlike Beam and Forth. It was something that even later on males him feel hurt and humiliated and if he was not weak and too drunk to defend himself, the night may never have happened.

And Wayo. Well, where do I start. When I read the original novel, I was cringed from start to end, thanks to the one main character, Wayo.

A boy who was spoiled rotten to core that he could not think straight for himself and perform a single chore in life by himself. He wants to be more independent yet he always needs to monopolize his best friend's time for himself. Why?

He can't even talk to people by himself, he can't even help himself to travel from one place to other since he can't drive but instead of learning to do so since he can sure afford a car, he decides it won't look nice if he had his car and driver at the dorm.

He had a shrine in a corner of his room for his childhood crush who in his eyes was a greek God and an ideal, dream guy. So, he literally followed that guy around. And he's crushed to core when that guy turned out to be a rude jerk and a playboy and not the man Wayo fantasied him to be.

What a bummer.

Even when they finally start dating, all Wayo does is suspect Pha's love and intentions and whine to Ming, taking over all his best friend's time since he's all that cute and oblivious that he doesn't know it could affect Ming's relationship with Kit. Why? You're suspecting your boyfriend of cheating when he's spending time with a classmate and yes he lied to you about meeting her but do you blame him? When you are always thinking oh, 'I'm not good enough, he'll definitely leave me for a girl!'

And he's meeting her out in the open, in a school cafeteria, not behind a closed door! He knows you'd find out one way or other! And he's doing it for you! What do you do? You don't even think beyond Pha cheating on you and decide to it back! You decide with your royally unused brain that you should go out on a date with none other than a guy who makes you feel creeped out and who your friend and boyfriend both warn you to look out for. Instead you hand yourself to him in a platter and Ming doesn't even stop you!

And if you're smart enough to know going out with Park can make Pha jealous, than how are you so clueless when you always jumping on Forth like a puppy makes Pha jealous?

So, I thought, what would happen if that low esteemed boy did not get what he wants? Why would Ming not stop is supposed nest friend from his stupid shenanigans? Why would he so effortlessly agree to help you stalk your own boyfriend whenever you think he's cheating and that too for long periods of time? And how come it doesn't affect Ming's relationship with Kit? If Wayo is that jealous of anyone around Pha, then what if he's jealous of Pha's friends too?

And that, got us this Wayo and this Ming.

And like all the other unconventional things in this book, Beam's story has also turned from a Casanova who was judged by everyone because of his way of life to a doctor who only thinks of his patient's and his sons. Beam has a high sex drive. He loved sex. That is his choice, not anyone else's business. But everyone around him branded him as a Casanova when even Pha, Ming and Forth lived the same life. It is his life and his choice if he's having more sex than others! But even some of the fans of these fan fictions brand him as a man whore because of his way of life. Even his best friends judged him.

He left all his betrayal behind and went away in hopes to heal for his baby. To start a new life but that was also taken away from him. So he decided to dedicate his life to study his ow condition. He decided to help Pharm heal instead of healing himself and he decided to take in the brothers to raise them the way no one raised him!

Now, it's time for him to heal himself. And healing is not some textbook process. Everyone heals in their own way. Now, it could be with Alex's help or he could only need himself and his sons. And moving on could mean to move on with a life dedicated to his boys or to move on to build a life with someone else. But it could also mean to move on from his pain and some where, along his journey, he could meet Forth again!

They could start over again.

But that is all a big maybe.

So, do not lose hope, anyone. Whether you want ForthBeam together or not, do not lose hope in life. Life can surprise you, like it surprised Thada and Kao. Like it surprised Kit.

So, that's all for today's rant. Thank you to all who'd read it till now even when its not an update and sorry to those who were disappointed that it's not an update. And the ones who didn't bother reading it, your loss hahaha.

Kidding.

Well, hope you all had a great weekend.

See ya.