To Keep Going On

13

A bit too depressing chapter but I promise, good time will come. It's just to build up how important Pharm and Arthit are to Beam, they both are gonna be the key role in his life from now on since he's back home to people he left behind.

WARNING: mention of child abuse, rape and loss. 

FLASHBACK

He didn't know how long he lay there on the floor, staring at that pink ceiling. Even in the dark of the night, he could make out the color. Ofcourse he could. He himself stood there and watched them mix the color he wanted for this room. Her room. 

Every time the wind blew through the window, it moved those pretty chimes he put on her cot and on the window. He didn't want it to be too quiet for her.

He sat up and walked to that cot. He moved his hand along the edges with uncontrollable tears flowing down his eyes. He who didn't cry when his parents separated, who didn't shed a tear when his mom wasn't there, when his friends left him and the man he thought he loved broke his heart. He didn't shed a tear knowing how his mother wanted him shipped here to USA to his estranged father or when he found out about her cancer. But how could he possibly stop himself now?

He looked at the wall behind the cot. MY PRINCESS.

Yes, she was his princess, she was his hope. She was his one true love. His shelter, his way back to life. How he possibly move on from that? How could he stop the river of tears he kept caged inside his eyes. His heart bled every time he felt his belly and found it flat. His baby was there no more.

He picked up the little yellow stuffed toy from the cot. The first gift he bought her. He found it in the mall, a week after he landed. He remembered seeing the cartoon somewhere. He thought it looked adorable with its long rabbit like ears, big tail and those chubby cheeks with red spots. He fell in love instantly. 

Suddenly he couldn't breathe anyone. He ran out inn the balcony and down from the staircase to the huge garden, panting hard for oxygen. He crouched down, holding his knees and buried his head between them to cry out. 

Why was life so unfair to him?

Was he that bad a person?

He always got thrown away his entire life! Did he not deserve that little happiness in his life? Did he not deserve hold her in his arms after all the pain he went through just to have her?

He put a hand on his mouth to cover the sobs escaping. He didn't want to worry the occupants of that house. He felt someone beside him and looked up to find a pair of small hands holding his stuffed toy. He looked up to find a very thin little boy smiling at him. He wore worn out clothes, ordinary. In one glance he knew the kid was one of the housekeeping staff's. The boy looked down at the toy with twinkling eyes and kissed it. Then moved it towards him with a very bright smile. 

"It fell, I kissed it, it won't cry now" but seeing the tears on Beam's face, his smile fell. "I would kiss you too but you look like young master. Momma said he was the most handsome of all. You might not like it"

He blinked. Then wiped his eyes. "Will it be okay? If you kiss it, will the pain leave?" the boy smiled and moved closer to kiss him on his cheek.

.

.

"P'Beam! P'Beam!"

He laughed brightly seeing that short little kid run towards him, with a stuffed pickachu in his arms. The boy jumped into his arms.