To Keep Going On

74

This chapter is really important for Beam and his process of moving on and finding closure.

We do not often talk about things that are important to be talked about. We sometimes do not address situations the way they should be. We do not suggest or seek out help or even address serious issues. Trauma is a scary word. But it is a reality. A dark reality that does not just confines to physical or mental scars. Psychological trauma is just as scary. Sometimes, worse because we neglect them.

~~~

Beam let out a sigh as he looked down at the shirtless, passed out figure on his bed, eyeing the way he was sprawled with his mouth and arms wide open and one leg dangling down the bed.

"Stupid, fool!" He huffed and kicked Forth's leg before walking to and slumping down on the couch. There was no way in hell he'd be squeezing into bed with that fucker!

Not that he wanted to!

He sat there and killed Forth over and over with his dagger glare. After these few exhausting days, all he wanted to do was to just come home and sleep. And this idiotic bastard had to drop in unannounced, dead drunk and had to fall right into his arms!

He even had to carry the bastard's whole weight and bring him up to dump his ass on the bed! Not that he cared for the fucker!

He huffed and looked down at Forth's face. Worn, tired, yet still handsome. It annoyed him how he'd always found the bastard so handsome.

Even now. When he seemed so tired, lost and old. To Beam, he was still the most handsome.

He sighed, using all his will power to not leave his place to go and ran his fingers on the man's face. Why was it? Wasn't he the one who hurt me? Then how come he looks like the one who'd been through hell? Why?

Ever since he knew him, the bastard had always been a pain in the ass!

In college days, he was always supporting a bruise or two. He was always ready to fight or get drunk or go around looking for trouble.

Even when they were dating, though he tried hard never to think about the time but he remembered it as clear as yesterday. The time when he thought they were in so much love, Forth was always annoying him, teasing him and messing with him.

Even now, the memories still brought a smile to his face. Shitty asshole!

He sighed and rested his head back. He should stop it! He should stop torturing himself and forget! He should move on! He always thinks he'd done it. But then the memories kept coming back. Those memories were the best and yet, the most torturous moments of his life that didn't let him forget his love for Forth. Or the pain the man caused him.

Those memories were of the most cherished moments of his life yet they pained him immensely as well. He'd never felt as much loved and wanted as he felt with Forth. Yet. He'd never been hurt this much by anyone else either.

Now, he was not even sure if Forth had even loved him back then.

He let out a sigh and stood up to walk out, only to stop in his tracks.

"Bee... My Bee..."

Beam froze.

"Please... Come back... I'm sorry... Kill me... Kill me but come back... I don't want to live without you... Bee...

Please Bee...

I love you Bee...

Bee... Oon... Pharm... Kiera...

I love you... Forgive me... Forgive me..."

And Beam could not stop the sob that escaped his mouth as he hurried out.