To Keep Going On

59

(A/n: you guys feeling lack of Forthbeam? See the plot is also important but you'll see more forthbeam once it's all back on right track because these events and characters have an impact on their story. Huge impact)

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FLASHBACK

"He didn't talk to you?" Tim gave him a sympathetic look when he slumped down in front of him.

"He slammed the door in my face. Again. Not that... I didn't deserve it" Forth answered tiredly, wiping a hand over his eyes. "I stayed outside Beam's place again, I... I begged to meet him but..." Forth licked his lower lip and wiped his hands all over his face. "Tim... Tim... what do I do? Kit can't find anything either... he's a mess too... I don't know... what have I... what have I done Tim?" he was so messed up that Tim could only feel pity for him. Though, they were never the ones to do it, he put his hand around Forth's shoulder to offer a side hug.

"Forth, calm down dude"

"It's been five months! Five damn months and nothing!"

"It's gonna be okay... I talked to Sharp, he said he'll find him. Trust me, if anyone can find stuff out, it's Sharp!" he tried to encourage him but to no avail. Forth was messed up, he didn't even realize how the first three months went by, just cried and ran around frantically to find Beam.

He wasn't sleeping or eating, he couldn't even think straight. He was running around all day like a crazy person to find Beam and then drinking away at night, drowning himself in his sorrow. Though he was coming back to his senses, he still couldn't sleep. He didn't even care if he was breathing. He didn't want to breathe without Beam.

And it scared Tim. Especially since Forth was hurting himself too.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked Forth. "You didn't sleep last night, I heard you crying. Forth..."

"I didn't take any pills okay!" Forth snapped tiredly. "I didn't. You took them all away! I want you out of my house!"

"No need to snap at me, I saved your damn life! And no I'm not leaving. It's for your own good" Tim snapped back.

The way he found him lying in his bath tub, half dead just a month ago, he would never forget the empty look in Forth's eye. Or before that when he tried to cut himself. It had been haunting him ever since, reason why he decided to shift with Forth. To look after him.

Yes, that action made Lam shut him out completely as well, something that hurt him a lot, but Forth was his friend no matter how big of an asshole he thought he had been, Tim couldn't leave him. But he understood Lam's anger too.

"You met Kit?"

"He looked... he looked too... I don't know man... damn it! I feel even worse when I see him" Forth ran a hand through his hair. "I think Ming is being a bastard to him because he spends time with me. That jerk should be there for him... with what he's going through, they live together but I don't think he even spends time with Kit. He is getting more and more... he was even stuttering a lot more"

Tim sighed and looked down. "What exactly..." he sighed. "What's wrong with him?"

Forth had a painful look on his face. "He said he had a dream about Beam. He was in pain and calling for help... a month ago"

Tim was quiet for a while. "You do know it could easily be the guilt... it's taking a toll on him, on both of you" he said slowly. What he just heard from Forth made his heart uneasy, made him want to go see Kit, to be there for him but he knew he had no right for that. Not when Kit had a boyfriend "What did Kit say about those videos?"