The need.

~Chapter 99~

"So Lola? I barely know much about you. Well, I know what the guys around the warehouse say but I don't know you personally." Skye said. I give her a small smile as I sit up. 

"What would you like to know?" 

"I heard that you have a problem with your hands getting dirty? What is that about?" I look at Shane as he clears his throat. She looks at him. "Oh I'm sorry is that a personal question?" She asked as she looks back at me. 

"Yeah, kind of," Shane says. 

"No, it's fine." He looks at me. I look back at her. "I was put in a situation that made me uncomfortable in my own body. I couldn't look at my hands if there was even a silver of dirt. I would have panic attacks if I did. But it went away." 

"Did it?" Derek asked causing me to look at him. "I mean when you saw Mike for the first time after a long time you freaked out over flour on your hands." I swallow harshly. 

"Yeah, I guess it comes out when I'm overwhelmed or something," I mumble as I look down at my hands. 

"I didn't know about that," Lee said. I look at him. 

"I didn't really think it was important." He looks at me with a worried look. 

"If you see her rubbing her hands or taking heavy breaths just bring her to the closest sink and wash her hands. It usually works," Shane says. I look at him. He was looking at Lee. 

"Good to know," Lee says. I look at Skye. She gives me a small smile. 

"Do you have anything else you want to know?" 

"Where did you learn to paint so good?" I look at Shane. He gives me a small smile. 

"She asked me to see the art room. She saw some of your work." I nod slowly and look back at her. 

"My mom taught me before my father left. She taught me some and then school taught me. But I mainly taught myself. I would read books on tips and tricks for it." She smiles. 

"You are quite impressive," I let out a dry laugh. 

"I don't think I am." She nods. 

"Your father sold your brother to a mad man. Faked his death while leaving you with your alcoholic mother who also was on drugs. You were kidnapped by a man who wanted you to have his kid. Then beaten when you disobeyed. You were raped and beaten some more. Your mother tried to kill you. Then Ava tried to kill you. You lost the ability to have a child. Then your fiancee gets too wrapped up in his own emotions that caused him to stop giving you attention. You break up only to find out you are pregnant with his child and in love with his brother. You are a strong woman for going through all of that and not breaking down. I doubt I could go through any of that let alone all of it. I was wrong about you." I swallow hard while looking at Shane. 

"How did she know all of that?" He sits up straight. 

"You said to get to know her and talking is part of that." I stand up. 

"I said for you to get to know her. Not for her to get to know me. I am not the one she needs to be focused on. She shouldn't even know half of that. You have no right to tell her anything that has to do with me." He stands up. 

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't talk about my life. I'm sorry that for most of that I was with you. Or did you forget? I'm sorry that when I needed someone to talk to she was there for me. I needed something to keep my mind off of you. Skye was there. She just let me talk and it was nice to finally be able to say what was on my mind. I couldn't tell you because I fucked up. I was upset with myself because I blamed myself for everything that happened to you. Because if it weren't for me, you would never have met Ava and you wouldn't be so depressed. I will not apologize for confining in Skye. Yes, I talk about you with her. Because she doesn't want to be with me. She just wants to be there for me. She wants to hear what I have to say and the only thing I can talk about is you because you are the only good thing that has ever happened to me. Do you want to know why I am so pushy about you and Lee dating? Because I don't deserve you. When we were together all you did was get hurt. I couldn't protect you with my father and I couldn't protect you with Ava. Lee has known you less than me and he has protected you better than I ever could. So you can hate me and blame me but you do not know what is going on inside my head." He lets out a breath of air and looks away from me. "Skye, come on let me take you home," I cross my arms as he walks to the front door and walks out. I close my eyes with a deep breath.