The need.

~Chapter 55~

“Can you just go?” I said. I heard him sigh and footsteps leaving. I let out a tear. I pick up the pencil and go to bring it to the canvas but my hand tightens. My hands become shaky and I can’t seem to bring it to the canvas. A hand goes over mine and the pencil touches the canvas. I go to move my hand but there’s tightens. The pencil starts moving and soon I was doing it.

“You can do it.” I heard his voice say. I look over my shoulders to see him smiling. I sigh and put the pencil down and turn around. “Why’d you stop?” He asked. I look down at my hand. A little bit of paint was on it. He looks. “Here let me help you.” He said ready to grab my hand. I pull my hand back looking at it.

“No, it’s fine,” I said bringing my hand down to my side and looking up at him. He gives me a confused look. “It just seems pointless. I’ve killed someone and I can’t stand a little bit of dirt?” I said.

“Lola you’ve experienced something tragic.” He said. I shook my head.

“Still shouldn’t matter,” I said looking away at the wall behind him.

“You’re doing my gaze.” He said. I looked down. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Your mom said you would watch me from your front porch every day I would get out of school? It just seems like you were doing that for your own benefit and not your dad’s?” I said.

“I met you when you were 4 and I was 5. We were on the playground. You were the only kid that wanted to hand out with me. Of course, I never told you my name because I wanted you to guess. But you started calling me ‘Mystery Man’. From that moment on I liked you. And for you to actually be here and actually see me for me and not some high school badass is a dream come true.” He said. I looked up at him.

“Oh, you’re still a high school badass,” I said with a smile. He chuckled.

“Can I convince you to stay one more night?” He asked. I looked at my hands staring at the paint.

“Yeah, you can,” I said looking him straight in the eyes. He smiled.

“Cool.” He said. I smiled. He pulled me to him and my heart began to race. His hands on my waist began to dance and my stomach started doing flips. “I’m really gonna miss you.” He said. I stared into his eyes. My heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again. It never occurred to me that I would fall for him. I looked down at his shirt. The guilt of hurting him swarmed my insides. It didn’t feel right to be in his arms when I planned on just leaving without telling him how I feel. I pushed on his chest and turned around. “Lola?” His voice echoed in my mind.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I could say. I was about to walk ahead when he grabbed my arms. Tears escaped my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I needed him in my life. I needed everything he made me feel. I needed the flaws he came with. I needed his mistakes. I just needed him. I turned around hugged him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly like if he spoke up I would disappear.

“I want to leave because I don’t belong here. I never did. This was never my place. This lifestyle wasn’t me. But then I look at you and being in your arms just makes me think that maybe it is. I plan on leaving and you ask me to stay and we act like tomorrow isn’t going to change. I would have never thought that I was going to fall in love with you but I did. And it’s-.” I looked up at him. “Hard,” I said. He looked surprised.

“What?” He asked.

“I love you, Shane,” I said. He took a step back. My heart sunk. I looked down. “But you don’t love me,” I said.

“Lola I don’t know what I feel. I can’t tell you I love you when there’s a chance I don’t.” He said. I looked at him with hurt in my eyes. “I didn’t mean it that way.” He said.

“No Shane, I understand,” I said. I looked down and walked around him whipping my tears. I walked out of the art room and ran to my room locking both doors and crawling in my closet crying.

Shane’s P.O.V

Why did I say that? I know I feel something for her. Why did I have to completely break her after she said that? How cruel can I be? I thought walking down to the gym. Derek sees me. I go to the punching bags and punch it a few times. I ended up ripping a hole in it. Someone pulled my arm back and I raised my fist to punch him. He holds up his hands. “Whoa take it, easy man.” He said. I roll my eyes and walk past him.

“Shut up Derek,” I said.

“Is that an order or you being pissed?” He asked. I stopped walking and turned around to him.

“Don’t you fucking start,” I growled. He rolled his eyes.

“Work out your own fucking problems then.” He said.