The need.

~Chapter 11~

James Grey was 2 years older than me. Me being 18 and he is 20. James had graduated early. And became an art teacher. James and I met at an art camp 2 years ago. He was so full of life and joy. I never expected him to be so cruel as his brother but he surprised me. We hung out for the whole camp time. Until the last night at camp when everyone was gone at a bonfire he snuck in my tent and tried to rap me. He and I were the best of a friend or so I thought but it was a trick. No, he didn’t rap me but he did touch me. Ever since I felt so dirty. So worthless more than usual. You wondered why I was such a clean freak well there's my juicy story. Although I would never tell Shane.

“Lola, how do you know James?” He asked. I looked to the left.

“Remember that story I wouldn’t tell you?” I asked. I looked at him after a minute but anger rows from everywhere in his eyes.

“Tell me.” He said through clenched teeth.

“No,” I said. He hit the wall by my head.

“Damn it.” He said. Why did it seem like he cared about what happened? I scanned his face but he didn’t even look like he was there.

“Shane?” I said placing my hand on his cheek. His eyes darted at me. I touched him. He picked up my hand from his chest and dropped it in front me while taking a step back. “Whatever I’m done trying with your bipolar ass. I’m going to class.” I said. I walked past him leaving him to his own thoughts. I made it to the hallway where Derek stood outside of the old room.

“What happen?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said.

“Lola I know you find this hard to believe but he calms down more when you're in the same room. If he’s angry right now don’t leave me alone with him.” He said. I would laugh at his fear but it hurt that Shane wouldn’t let me touch him but he touches me anytime he gets. I was only trying to help. I looked down at my hands but I hate getting black paint on them from somewhere. My breathing became heavy. “Lola?” Derek asked. I kept staring at them and images of James flashed in my head. “Lola?” Derek asked a little louder.

James’s smirk flashed in my head as I struggled to be freed from his grasp. My breathing was uncontrollable. My breathing became calm as hands covered the black paint on my hands. I still stared at the spot my hands where but were now being covered. “Lola walks with me,” Shane said. I didn’t answer but I did what he said. “Look at me. Get your mind off it.” He said. But I couldn’t get my eyes off his hands. Because I knew the black pain was still there.

“Shane why is she acting this way?” I heard Derek ask.

“She has this condition where if her hands get dirty she begins to have a panic attack. If you are ever with her alone and she starts to get this way just cover her hands and get her to the nearest sink. I don’t even care if you have to walk in the girl's bathroom or boys.” Shane said. Shane’s hand moved a bit and a glimpse of the black paint catch my eye and my breathing became heavy again. “Shit,” Shane said covering it. We walked into the girl’s restroom and he walked me over to a sink. My hands rested under the water. He rubbed off the paint then placed soap over the top. James’s face still burnt into my memory.

When my hands were clean he dried my hands on his shirt. I rubbed my thumb over the skin check for wetness. He stayed by me making sure it was good. I finally picked up my head only to look at Shane. “I’m sorry,” I said. I wasn’t quite sure what I was sorry for but it ran out of my mouth and I didn’t regret saying it.

“Are you ok now?” He asked. I nodded. I sat on the floor next to the sink and brought my head in my hands.

“Why exactly do you get this way?” Derek asked.

“Derek that’s none of our business,” Shane said. I took deep breaths hoping to erase James’s face. “When you said he got in your head and I right to assume he told you about the other thing?” Shane asked. I closed my eyes and laid my head back against the wall.

“Yeah,” I said. The girl's bathroom door opened and we all looked at the person. To my luck it was Freya. She gave the boys weird looks.

“Ahh, Lola you want to explain why they're in here?” Freya asked standing by me. I looked at Shane.

“I have a problem,” I said looking down at my hands. Her eyes widen.

“I told you to be careful. You could have had another panic attack.” She said. Shane looks a step forward.

“Another?” He asked looking down at me. I stared back at him.

“Long story,” I mumbled. Freya looked at Shane.