Only Remember Her | Hwang Hyunjin

77. Living or Surviving

Hyunjin waited for the elevator while his mind was fixed on something else. "Hyung!" Jeongin grabbed his arm. Hyunjin looked at him with an expressionless face. "Have you seen the news?" The lift opened. "Go back to work. The company is a mess right now." He stepped in without saying anything further. Jeongin looked at him with a pitiful expression. "What about you?"

Hyunjin didn't look at him. "It doesn't matter how I am. It's important to hold on to the company." He finally gave a glance at Jeongin. "Take care of yourself," Hyunjin said as the door closed.

The meeting room was filled with negative comments. Mr. Hwang was sitting in the front, waiting for Hyunjin to arrive. Soon, Hyunjin made his entrance into the room and walked to his father. He bowed, "Chairman." Mr. Hwang didn't face him. A newspaper was thrown in front of him. Hyunjin looked in the direction.

"Look at this news! You are the CEO of our company. How can this happen?" The Director of a department from their company exploded. "We need an explanation." The other person said as all of them agreed. Mr. Hwang banged his hand on the table thrice. "Enough, enough." The room became as quiet as an abandoned house.

"We don't know if it's true or not." He looked at Hyunjin. "Tell us, Mr. Hwang." The chairman said. Hyunjin lowered his gaze and took a deep breath before starting.

"Years before, indeed," Mr. Hwang hissed. The man continued, "I found out about my Amnesia." The room got filled with gasps. Mr. Hwang turned to him with a mixture of emotions. "I will take the responsibly for the negativity brought by this."

A female staff scoffed. "Responsibly? A person with amnesia kept hiding his illness from the company, and you still want us to trust you, Mr. Hwang?"

The old man examined the situation. "About this, I, as the chairman, also have the responsibility. But, I don't think Hyunjin made any mistakes when he was in charge. Shouldn't you be giving him another chance?"

"Even if he didn't make a mistake, he can no longer be our CEO. I suggest that we call a board meeting and choose our new president." The manager suggested. Uncle Kang was standing right behind Mr. Hwang's chair. "All the board members, let's give Mr. Hwang a chance to talk. And then we will proceed to make a decision." He smirked at Hyunjin.

"I agree to choose another CEO." Mr. Hwang looked at his son in shock. "Now the company has trouble both outside and inside. There is gossip everywhere. Plus, the objection towards me inside the company. I think that only if I resign from the position of CEO can solve the problem. After I go, all the troubles we are facing can be solved by themselves. But.... before I resign, I want to ask all the board members to give me one week."

The people present in the room looked at each other confused. "Are there any things you have to take care of, Mr. Hwang?" Kang asked.

Hyunjin looked at him coldly. "Resignation is a big deal. I have worked to connect executives. Besides, I also want to tell the media and the mass in person about the resignation. So, before I declare it to the media I hope all the board members can keep this a secret." The members didn't hesitate to agree.

Hyunjin entered his office where he saw his father waiting for him. The door was closed quietly behind him and walked to the man standing near the big window glass. His back was facing hyunjin. "If all this news is real, then how bad is your illness? Does it influence your personal life?" Mr. Hwang started.

"It isn't that serious as the news told. You don't have to worry." He said straightaway, truthfully. "Why didn't you tell this earlier!?" He complained. "I thought it was fake. If you have told me before, things wouldn't have gone this bad!" He raised his voice.

"If I'd told you about the illness, would you still let me be the CEO?" He asked. Mr. Hwang pulled his hands into his pockets. "You are one of the Hwang's. Even if you leave, you will never be kicked out."

Mr. Hwang sighed while looking away. "You are ruining everything I've built these years."

Hyunjin smiled. "I didn't expect that...after I told you about my illness," He paused for a while. "You would still care about your business more than me." The glossing traveled into his eyes. Mr. Hwang turned slowly to look at him but Hyunjin was quick enough to turn his back to him.

"Hyunjin, how did you get this amnesia?" Mr. Hwang asked softly. "Are you seriously asking this?!" He turned immediately making direct eye contact with the man in front of him. The old man noticed the unusual indication in his eyes. They're glossy. They're hurt.

"Is it related to your mother?" He didn't say anything. Mr. Hwang gazed down. "I remember when she left, you weren't stable. But... I thought after that, everything was fine." Hyunjin laughed out with his eyes filled with tears. "You were always busy at work. Did you ever, even once, think about me? Did you?" He said furiously.

"How was school? How are you doing? Is there something wrong? Do you feel anything uneasy in yourself? How does this whole thing typically make you feel? This didn't ever make any effect on how you feel about yourself? You haven't ever thought of harming or killing yourself? You didn't ever get any feeling like you don't wanna live anymore?" Hyunjin paused for a while. He shook his head and continued.

"Nothing. You asked none."

He knew his voice has given up on him. He gulped and tried but still, his voice cracked. "I got depressed, dad." He said in a low voice. "Jeongin noticed, but why didn't you? I started seeing a psychologist when I was 14, and, I am seeing a psychologist till now..."

"Do you even know how this whole shit made me feel? I was disappointed, hurt, betrayed, lonely, hopeless... and stuck." He inhaled a shaky breath.

His voice kept becoming shakier as each sentence kept leaving his mouth. He never thought he would be remembering those days again. "All these years I wasn't myself dad but you never noticed."

He counted on his fingers. "I-I was depressed, having anxiety attacks, panic attacks- I-I also had insomnia. I-I was consuming unlimited amount of sleeping pills, anti-depressing medicines which fucking caused me to rush into the hospital. You blamed me for doing drugs back then." He paused again.

"I just wished I died that day. I wish I did." He finished his words as tears were rolling down his face continuously way before he noticed.

"I'm not living, dad. I'm surviving." He whispered the last sentence.

Mr. Hwang tried to grab his arm but he backed up and wiped up his tears rapidly with shaky hands. "You can go now, Chairman." He still did not face him. Mr. Hwang clenched his fist tightly. He thought that the best would be if he left.