The Rejected Alpha

Chapter 49

I would love to say that after the apology, everything was just peaches and roses, and walks in the park, lovey dovey stuff and proclamations of undying love for each other.

Like I said.
I would love to.
But I can't.

Because things just weren't that way.
At all.

Months had passed.
Granted, he's changed, a bit.
His eyes aren't so cold towards me anymore, and I could tell he has stopped actively trying to push me away. Or kill or banish me or something like that.
We've had some brief conversations, nothing intimate though like the day we were at the forest grove. But it's more than what was exchanged between us before.

All the our issues still weigh heavy on me sometimes. It's hard to forget or just let go of. I don't even know if it's possible.
But forgiveness is possible, one day maybe. One day maybe I'll be okay.

He has made it clear that he knows nothing can ever make up for all he did. But he's never going to stop trying to.
But it's hard for him, he doesn't know how, I don't even think I know how.

How do we go on from here? Because I really do want to go on and not wallow in misery.

I wanna try to go on.

He doesn't spend much time at home, always checking on pack issues or working in his office, which I didn't even know he had.
Then again it shouldn't have come as a shock to me that he actually has businesses, I've not seen any money growing trees here that could have paid for his mansion and cars, or even the new phone he got me.
Yeah, he got me a phone, since I needed one and I had lost mine during the first raid. Plus I don't have a job.

I should look for something to do though if I'm not going to be in school. I had no idea what I even wanted to do. Whether to go back to school or start working. I was 18 already, I could get a job, but what would I even do?
Growing up I wanted to be an artist, but my dad told me it wasn't a practical job for me, so I took drawing up only as a hobby and convinced myself that I wanted to be a forensic scientist or a fire fighter.

And now, I was just blank in that regard.
I'm just trying to focus on me right now, so that I never come close to doing what I did.
Just trying to have a stable life and stable relationships.
I even think I want to try with Damon. Start as acquaintances maybe.

But he's still cold and hurt.
Can't say I blame him though.
Yes, he's deeply hurt about Anastasia's case. He practically lost his little sister. And he blames himself, so he hides all the hurt because he feels he doesn't have the right to be because it's his fault.

I don't know what to tell him.

Latifah's all he's got left now.

And you...

It doesn't feel like it. At least not for me.

Aw, come on, he's trying. He even cooked for you.

Cooked? He microwaved Mac and cheese because no one was around to cook, and he left some for me.

Still... very sweet huh?

No, not really.

But I tried to understand him a bit.
It's hard to just suddenly change a character that you've carried around for over two decades now. All he knows how to do is be cold. He even said that he can't love anymore.

His human side has only forgotten what it means to love, you have to show him.

Hate to break it to you but I'm not sure I know what love is either.
I just have this need to feel loved. Truly loved.