The Rejected Alpha

Chapter 74

AN: Heyyy guysssss!!! I just wanted to use this opportunity to wish you guys a Merry merry Christmas and that I hope this season brings you much joy and gladness and God's blessing for us all. Love you guys
Sharon S.

*****

I sat at the edge of my bed, staring at the picture.
Not sure of what I was feeling.
Not knowing how to feel.
I was in some sort of haze. I wasn't fully aware of myself at the moment.

I feel it's easier to deal with loss when you don't know what it is that you have lost.
This, this just makes it all so real.

It makes the loss real.

I know it isn't much but just looking at the picture, of a happy family, it was... a bit distressing.

That was me.
Little clueless me.

In the arms of someone I can't even remember. My father.
My father. Alpha Gordon.
He was an Alpha, running an entire pack.
And now it's all burned to the ground. Turned to dust.
They've both turned to dust.

I couldn't help but wonder, had that dreadful night never occurred, would we all still be living happily in the golden moon pack?
With my parents, my family and no knowledge of who the Clarks are?
My father at the helm, running things, me following in his footsteps, my mother at my side, just being there for me.
She would never have rejected me.

Then again, it's just a lovely thought to have. Just a thought.
There's no guarantee that that would have been the case.
There's no guarantee that had that night never happened, my pack would still be up and running. That we'd all be living happily together. That all would be perfect.

Some other disaster could have still come to wipe everyone out. A different pack could have come to attack us. Maybe that same night, maybe years later.
Or maybe not.
Things could be better or things could have been worse.
Or things could have just ended up the same way things are now.
Some things are just set in stone.

As I looked at that the picture though, I knew another thing was set in stone. They loved me.
My parents loved me.
And wherever they are now, they still do. I can just feel it.
Or maybe I just want to feel it.
Either way, it was nice to have that assurance.

The other lady, whose name I still did not know, still looked very much like herself.
Even though I didn't look at her long, her face still somehow managed to imprint itself unto my mental clipboard.
I could still see her now, sitting in the interrogation room, her intense eyes willing me to remember her, remember where I came from.

As much as I tried to though, I couldn't remember her. I couldn't even remember my parents for so long. Heck, I even thought that all my past life had just been a bad dream.
Then again, I was just four. I can't possibly expect myself to remember much from that time.
But I really wish I could remember something, anything about them.

For a moment I wanted to convince myself that maybe the trauma of that night caused me to suppress some memories. But then, I didn't really have memories to suppress. Just four years, it didn't feel like enough time with them.

The woman still looked the same, even after so many years.
Except for the tired bags under her eyes and the untimely stress lines on her face caused by years on the run.

I can't even begin to imagine how much she's lost.
I mean, at least I was put into a loving family for a while, but she'd gone rogue ever since. No stable home, no pack to protect you from external dangers and hunters, no family, no rest.
Always on the run.
Her dealing with the loss of her entire family. All that loneliness. I don't even want to think about it.