"Hello?" Pt. 2

Daniel

Girls, I've concluded, are weird. Not only do they hoard things they clearly do not need and have about seventy-six versions of the same skirt or shirt, but they have an array of products that I've never heard of. 

What the hell is a mascara guard and what is its purpose?

"What the hell is this?" 

This question seems to be my go-to enquiry as Sophie and I try to decide which items are worthy of a trip back to London. At this rate, I would simply make a list of all the items Sophie has and then start again when she gets back to London. That is, if shops in London sell any of these stranger than strange items.

"Charcoal Swabs," Sophie answers when she looks up from her backup makeup bag. The fact that she can say that with such a straight face is slightly worrying. "You use them to touch up light coloured makeup. They're a God send. Put it in the keep bucket."

When Sophie and I sat down this morning to organise all her crap, we decided to set up two piles- one for all the items Sophie wanted to keep and the second for all the items that we could throw out. However, the Throw Bucket was looking somewhat on the empty side, while the Keep Bucket was almost overflowing. With a sigh, I add Charcoal Swabs to the Keep Bucket and proceed to pull out the next beauty tool hiding in one of Sophie's very many makeup bags.

This morning, Sophie and I had made a decision to clear out her wardrobe, however, upon entering the vast space and seeing just how much things there were to go through, we quickly made our way into the bathroom to make a start there. So far, we'd worked our way through all her shampoos and conditioners- the woman had four different varieties, for some bizarre reason or another- and I'd successfully managed to toss out the nine bottles of body scrubs that were each on half. Naturally, Sophie had protested, but I still threw them away.

"Um, Sophie, could you kindly explain to me what the hell this is?" I ask, a slight smirk in my voice as I hold up a small tool that vibrates at the flick of a switch.

"It's a Bliss Fabulips Pout'o'Matic Lip-Perfecting System," she answers in a condescending tone of voice, as if any normal person should have known the answer. "I need to keep that because it makes my lips silky smooth."

"You don't need it, Soph," I assert, throwing the device into the Throw Bucket. Quietly, I add, "I'm pretty sure no-one needs one."

The next half an hour is spent with me clearing out the rest of the makeup bag, wondering why Sophie needs a hundred and one shades of eye shadow, before I finally moved on to the large chrome vanity case that was hidden under a stack of pure white bathroom towels. Flicking the locks of the case, I tentatively open the lid, gearing myself up for whatever I'm about to find. Frowning when I see the contents, I shake my head and proceed to dump the entirety into the Throw Bucket. 

No-one needs that many colours of nail polish. Not even a beautician.

"Whoa, some of those are Chanel!" Sophie practically screams as she lunges to rescue the small, colourful glass jars. Grasping as many as she could in her hands, she scowls at me before retreating to her side of the bathroom. "You said you were here to help me, Daniel."

"I am helping," I protest, motioning to the Throw Bucket. When she sees the contents, Sophie gasps and starts to take out item after items, muttering, 'I need this. And this. Oh em gee, how could he throw you away?!' 

Turning to look at me with her quintessential stink eye, Sophie sneers. "You're about as helpful as a grave digger in a crematorium, Daniel. Look," she says, pointing at some weird razor thing that I tossed out earlier. "This is a Lilumia 2 Paris. Do you know how much this cost?!"