"Hello?" Pt. 2

September 13th 2016

"So why was she shouting at you?"

"Because I hadn't signed one of the letters and that meant she had to forge my signature and she hates having to do that."

"Jasmine can forge your signature? Not even I can do that."

"Jasmine? Oh, right... the phone call."

"Why, who were you talking about?"

"Evelyn."

"Evelyn?"

"Nanny turned PA that is actually my secret half-sister. Evelyn."

"I know who she is. Usually, you call her Evie but tonight she's Evelyn, which is weird, that's all."

"Yeah, well. She yelled at me so she's lost the privilege of being called Evie."

"Petty, much?"

"I'm excellent at holding grudges."

"Are you?"

"There are some exceptions, of course."

"Which are?"

"When my fiancée gives me that doe-eyed look and I know I'm in trouble."

"I do not give you a doe-eyed look."

"You're right. I stand corrected. You give me the come hither and ravish me look. My mistake."

"Wanker."

"You're just throwing shade because you know I'm right."

"Throwing shade? Have you been hanging out with Nola again?"

"Maybe."

"Idiot."

"Must I remind you that it was this type of talk last night that forced me to hang up on you and you not finding out why Jasmine was yelling at me?"

"Speaking of which, I still don't know why she was yelling at you. Why was Jasmine yelling at you?"

"I'm sorry, but you are not entitled to that information at this time."

"When will I be entitled to that information?"

"When you're nicer to me."

"I'm always nice to you."

"You called me a wanker and an idiot. In less than a minute. In what universe is that considered nice?"

"In Sophieland."

"Not a real place, Soph."

"Not in this galaxy. But in a galaxy far, far away..."

"Haha. Ok, well, you're still not entitled in this galaxy."

"You know, in Sophieland, I could totally have you killed. Or worse, make you my slave."

"To be fair, I'm pretty sure, as your husband, I'll be your slave whatever."

"Exactly. This is Sophieland, therefore, you should tell me why Jasmine was yelling at you! I command you to tell me!"

"No."

"But I commanded you. You have to tell me."

"No, I don't."

"But-"

"Sorry, Soph, but I must go. It's past my bedtime."

"It's not even ten pm there! Eight months ago, you'd still be at your office at this time of night!" 

"That's as may be, but nowadays I am a man of responsibility. I have a dog."

"Because having Alfie changed everything."

"Oh, absolutely."

"Fine, go to bed. Granddad."

"I've been called worse."

"Have you?"

"My fiancée called me a wanker, once. About four minutes ago. Personally, I think that's worse than being called 'Granddad.'"

"You would."

"Again, this mean streak of yours is not doing you any favours."

"What can I say- I'm a mean girl."

"Not arguing with you on that."

"I thought you said that you were going to bed."

"You're right, I am. By the way, the reason Jasmine yelled at me is because Samuel told her that my house wasn't coming furnished."

"What?"

"My house? I'm selling it to Samuel but the furniture is coming with me."

"Why?"

"Because it's mine."

"And where are you going to put the furniture?"

"Um..."

"..."

"Fair point. You have furniture at your place already and no doubt we'll be getting new things for the new house... Tell Jasmine she can have the furniture. But she's not having the chandelier from the study. I like it too much to give it to her. She is not worthy of the chandelier."

"You and Jasmine argued about furniture and a chandelier?"

"To be fair, Jasmine would argue with me over which one of us breathed first. Clearly, as I'm a fair few years older than her, I was the first to take a breath, but she would fight her corner valiantly. She'd be wrong, but you know."

"You two have a seriously fucked up relationship."

"I know. I quite like it, though. It's a hate-hate relationship."

"Shouldn't that be, love-hate?"

"No. It's hate-hate. But at least that's one thing that she and I will agree on. We both hate each other."

"..."

"Anyway, now I'm off to bed."

"Ok. Well, good night, Daniel."

"Good night, Soph. I love you."

"I love you, too. Goofball."

"Aligator."

"Baboon!"