October 13th 2016

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"Hey, it's me."

"..."

"Are you alive?"

"No thanks to you."

"That's mean."

"You gave me food poisoning, Daniel."

"I think you've just got the stomach flu."

"Your cooking tried to kill me."

"There was nothing wrong with my cooking."

"There was everything wrong with your cooking."

"I'm alright."

"That's because you made me be your guinea pig and eat it before you touched anything."

"..."

"And it was awful."

"..."

"There was me thinking the worst that could happen with you cooking was burning down my kitchen."

"You would have preferred that?"

"Daniel, I've been spewing up all night and all morning, what do you think?"

"..."

"I can't believe that didn't even try to help me."

"What could I do? You had your head stuck in the toilet bowl for hours on end."

"You could have held my hair back."

"You had your hair up in a ponytail, though"

"You could have tried comforting me."

"I tried that."

"When?"

"When I asked you if you were ok. You told me to piss off."

"..."

"So, I did try."

"..."

"Did you die?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I've been poisoned!"

"Oh, shut up. You'll live."

"From here on out, you're banned from entering the kitchen."

"Fair enough."

"Oh, God."

"What?"

"I'm about to throw up again."

"Ew. Gross. I'm hanging up before I have to hear you be violently ill. I put up with enough of that last night."

"..."

"I'll see you later, ok?"

"..."

"Bye?"

"..."

"Yeah, bye. I lvoe you."

"..."

"..."

[Call ended.]

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