"Hello?" Pt. 2

December 3rd 2016

"Oh, my God!"

"What, what's wrong?!"

"You should see Nola in her Flower Girl's dress!"

"Sophie! I genuinely thought something was wrong."

"But you can't see how cute she is!"

"I'm sure she looks as cute as a button-"

"Buttons are not cute. They are annoying."

"Give me an example of something that's cute."

"Hetty. She's cute. Troublesome, yet cute."

"Ok, so I'm sure Nola looks as cute as Hetty but you honestly made me think that something was wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect."

"Are you all having fittings for your dresses?"

"In a way. Hugo's having a fitting for a suit."

"You're still serious about that?"

"You thought it was a good idea."

"I did. I do. I just thought you would have changed your mind, to something."

"Nope. Hugo is now my maid of honour."

"Maid?"

"Master of Honour?"

"Haha, ok, if you say so."

"I do say so."

"And how is everything else going?"

"Oh, you know."

"No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking."

"Nola is super excited. Jenna and Charlotte are gossiping in a corner. Evie and Connie are being charmed by Hugo. Mum is ignoring me."

"Is she still smarting over the fact that we're spending Christmas in Wiltshire?"

"Yep. I might ask Connie if Mum can be given a job on Christmas Day."

"A job?"

"Yeah, like setting the table or something."

"Setting the table?"

"I know it sounds like something simple that a five-year-old can do, but my mother takes table dressing to a whole new level."

"Table dressing?"

"It's like window dressing."

"But with tables?"

"Exactly."

"Your mother dresses tables?"

"You should have seen last year's table decorations. It was ridiculous!"

"I think Connie will be more than happy to allow Camille to dress the table. As long as no one but Baxterley touches the turkey, I think we'll be ok."

"I think everyone can agree on that. As long as there's a vegetarian option for Emma. She's on a health kick at the moment because she thinks she's put on weight so she's cutting out meat."

"Emma's now a vegetarian? I'm sorry, but what kind of whack-job starts a diet before Christmas? Isn't that what New Year's resolutions are for?"

"Daniel?"

"Yes?"

"You know when you see Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't mention anything about weight or diets or New Year's resolutions, ok?"

"Ok."

"Good boy."

"I'm not a dog, Sophie. Don't 'good boy' me."

"But you're my bitch."

"..."

"Sorry?"

"No, you're not. You're never sorry."

"I am!"

"When you're really sorry, you cry."

"It's called being remorseful."

"Yes, but you're currently not crying, therefore, you're not really sorry for calling you my bitch."

"That's because I'm not really sorry. I won't apologise for something factual. You're my bitch, end of. However, I can see why this may upset you, so I tried to comfort you by telling you what you would want to hear."

"Is it too late to reconsider marrying you?"

"Yes."

"Is it, though?"

"Yes."

"I'm pretty sure right up until the officiate asks me to say 'I do' I can walk out at any time."

"Daniel?"

"Yes?"

"You know that works both ways, right?"

"Yes, but I could have a car waiting for me out the back of the church."

"And which of us has access to a private jet?"

"That would be you."

"So which one of us would have a better chance of running away from this wedding?"

"You."

"Correct. Now, with hindsight, do you really think it was a good idea to threaten me with reconsidering whether or not you want to marry me?"

"No, I do not think it was a good idea, with hindsight."

"..."

"So, I'll see you at the church at six-thirty pm on December 31st?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yes. Maybe."

"Ok, I deserved that."

"Glad you agree."

"I see you're not apologising as a way of sparing my feelings anymore."

"Nope. You pissed on your chips with that one, buddy."

"Unsurprising, to be honest."

"..."

"I should hang up now before I make it worse for myself, shouldn't I?"

"You've already made it worse for yourself. You shouldn't even have answered the phone, if I'm honest."

"..."

"Are you hanging up now?"

"Yes, I am."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Good."

"Good."

"Ever better."

"Betterer than better."

"Really?"

"I had a brain fart."

"Daniel?"

"Yes, Sophie?"

"Hang up."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Hey, Soph?"

"Yes?"

"This was a fun conversation. We should do it again!"

"Ok, Daniel."