"Hello?" Pt. 2

December 13th 2016

"Mr Whitaker?"

"Miss Clément?"

"Why am I looking at several boxes of very expensive kitchen electricals?"

"How would I know?"

"Because your name is on the invoice, Daniel."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Um..."

"Um?"

"Well..."

"Well?"

"You're repeating everything I'm saying."

"That's because you're not saying much."

"Yeah..."

"Daniel?"

"Yes, Sophie?"

"Did you buy lots of kitchen electricals?"

"That depends."

"On?"

"Your definition of 'a lot.'"

"Let's see what we have here."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"A Vitamix blender and food processor. According to the invoice, it costs..."

"..."

"Six hundred and fifty pounds! Daniel, are you for fucking real?"

"It's an investment."

"Christian Louboutins are an investment. Buying a six-fifty food blender is pissing money up against a wall."

"It's a blender and a food processor, Sophie."

"I don't care! What else is here?"

"Don't know."

"You do... Coffee machine."

"..."

"Almost two grand!"

"It was in the sale."

"It wasn't. I checked the website."

"..."

"Nutribullet. Two hundred pounds."

"..."

"What on earth is a sandwich cage?!"

"It helps turn the toaster into a sandwich maker."

"We don't have a toaster."

"Um..."

"Oh, wait. Here it is. Toaster. One hundred and fifty quid."

"Well, the sandwich cage slots in to help make sandwiches, but it also helps toast other things, like teacakes, and it's great for lifting them."

"A chocolate fountain? Really?"

"Oh, that's actually for Nola. It's her Christmas present."

"A coffee bean grinder."

"That goes with the coffee machine."

"Is the milkshake maker for Nola, too?"

"Nope. It's for my nephew."

"Which one? Not Ewan. He's lactose intolerant."

"It's for Finn."

"Right."

"The popcorn maker is for Ewan."

"Obviously."

"Glad you're seeing it now."

"A bread maker?"

"For Charlotte?"

"Why?"

"She's a baker?"

"..."

"..."

"Haha! A sausage stuffer!"

"You may want to stuff a sausage one day."

"Doubtful. Where exactly are we going to keep all this stuff? Our kitchen isn't big enough."

"The London one isn't. The Amesbury one is."

"Ah, so all this is for the country house."

"Yes."

"Ok, that makes more sense."

"So, you're coming around to my way of thinking."

"No, I'm not. I still think this is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on kitchen electricals."

"But Christmas is coming up."

"And?"

"Think of this as my Christmas present."

"From me?"

"No. From myself."

"Right..."

"Don't plug in the coffee machine before I get home."

"Trust me, from seeing the picture on the box, I'm too scared to plug it in. It's like the DeLorean of coffee machines. If I flip the wrong switch, I'll end up in nineteen fifty-five."

"You make a Back to the Future reference! Well done, Soph."

"Fuck off, Daniel."

"Haha, you don't mean that."

"I don't? You obviously can't see my face."

"You're funny, Sophie."

"Daniel?"

"Yes?"

"Your shit is overtaking our kitchen."

"But that's where they belong. In a kitchen."

"But not in this kitchen."

"..."

"I can't even get to the oven, Daniel. How am I supposed to cook if I can't get to the oven?"

"Call for a take-out?"

"Be serious, Daniel."

"I am. I quite fancy Thai."

"Well, off you go and get Thai. I'll go over to Charlotte's. She'll cook for me."

"-Charlotte, will you cook for Sophie if she comes over tonight?-"

<<No.>>

"Charlotte says she won't cook for you tonight."

"Why are you with my sister?"

"I'm buying you your wedding gift. I needed help."

"..."

"Can I go? Is my interrogation over?"

"For now."

"Brilliant. Great. So, I'll see you later, yes?"

"Yes."

"Ok. I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too."

"Don't use my toaster and sandwich cage before I get back, either."

"Oh, I won't."

"Great. See you later, 'gator."

"In a while, crocodile."