"Hello?" Pt. 2

October 14th 2016

"Tomorrow night, what do I wear?"

"What?"

"Evelyn and I are at the tailor and I'm planning on getting a new suit but I don't know how formal I need to be. So, what do you suggest?"

"Are you at the tailor specifically to get a suit for this dinner thing with my parents?"

"Affirmative."

"Then I suggest you turn around, walk out and head to TopMan."

"What?"

"Jeans and a casual shirt will do."

"Jeans and a casual- No, Sophie, that is unacceptable."

"Daniel, do you really think my parents will care what you're wearing?"

"Yes."

"No."

"They might."

"They won't. Trust me, Dad will be wearing jeans and a shirt, so you can too."

"What about your mother?"

"Well, she'll be dressed up but that's only because she's French and she's all about being chic."

"What will you wear?"

"I don't know. A skirt?"

"How do you not already know what you'll be wearing?"

"Because I haven't really thought about it."

"But... you're a fashion person. You must have thought about it."

"It's just dinner with my mum and dad. I could easily turn up wearing pajamas and they wouldn't care."

"Paja- Sophie, stop being ridiculous."

"I'm not. Skinny jeans, a cashmere sweater, some Vans, and I'll be set."

"Would you go to my grandmother's dressed like that?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, well, that's you. I physically cannot do that."

"You're being weird about this. Just wear something comfortable. You have zero problems about wearing jeans and a shirt to Connie's."

"That's because she's family."

"I hate to point this out to you, but my parents will soon be your family too. There shouldn't be a difference."

"I'm trying to impress your parents."

"You agreed to marry me. They're already impressed. In fact, they are awed by you."

"Now you're just being dramatic."

"Honestly, they think you're the bravest man in the world for taking a nutcase like me on, for life! They probably only want to catch up with us to find out how the planning is going so they can make sure you're not having second thoughts about it all."

"..."

"..."

"Fine, but I'm going to wear a shirt that has a collar."

"Deal."

"I don't like this, Soph."

"I know a way I can make it up to you."

"You have my attention."

"Head out of the gutter, Whitaker. Not like that. I'm going to cook for you."

"Are you going to poison me?"

"And take the crown of Chief Poisoner from you? Nope."

"It wouldn't surprise me if you'd try to kill me. It's the least I deserve after my awful cooking made you ill."

"Luckily, I'm not a tit-for-tat kind of person. I don't want to get even with you, I just want to cook dinner."

"What are you cooking?"

"Escargots."

"I may not be fluent in French, but even I know that means frogs' legs."

"Escargots are snails, doofus."

"I'm not eating those either. I've seen Pretty Woman. They're slippery little suckers, according to Julia Roberts."

"That was a film. They're not that bad, really."

"You're not filling me with much confidence by saying that they're not 'that bad.' That's like saying getting shot isn't that painful."

"Just give them a go. You'll like them."

"..."

"..."

"I've deliberated."

"And?"

"I'll try them."

"Good."

"Only if you agree to come with me to a thing next week."

"A thing? You're going to need to be more specific for me, Daniel."

"The partners of the law firm where I work are holding a cocktail party. Don't ask why. But I need a date, and who better to take than my amazingly lovely fiancée."

"You don't need to flatter me, Daniel. You had me at the word 'cocktail.'"

"So, you'll come?"

"Any excuse for a new dress."

"You don't need more dresses."

"Oh, but I do."

"You don't. You just want a new dress. Big difference."

"Do you want me to come next week?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm going to need a new dress."

"Fine."

"Great. I'll stop by Le Petit Cochon and pick up some fresh escargots."

"Can't wait."

"That's the spirit!"

"I was being sarcastic."

"I know. I was deliberately ignoring that, though."

"..."

"See you soon, baboon."

"Later, 'gator."