13th Doctor x reader

Revising

Warning: references to suicide and self harm.

You had spent the night in the TARDIS as did the others. But for you it was the first time you had slept in the TARDIS and it was a VERY comfortable sleep.

But now you were on your bed with your revision notes scattered about all across the floor and the bed. You looked down at your chemistry work and twiddled the pencil in you hand in impatience. Even though staying with the doctor and her friends was amazing, you couldn't escape the face that your GCSEs were coming up no matter what. You still didn't understand your work and started to have all the doubts about passing all over again.

You stared at the paper which read about half equations and exothermic/endothermic reactions - you still didn't understand which was which - , moles and the work on half life of an element. You looked long and hard, trying to read the work but the more you tried to read, the more the letters seemed to dance about, the dyslexia kicking in. You frowned, not understanding what the paper was talking about so moved right onto the questions.

"Where does that number come from?!" You the examples on the paper, almost shouting as you huffed.

You sat, crossing your arms and staring at your notes, really starting to worry about your exams. No one seemed to understand that you just didn't understand anything going on. You started to wonder that maybe you were just coming away with the doctor because you were running away from your exams.

Sometimes it was just easier to give up and accept you were going to fail. These thoughts seemed to consume you as you slumped back onto laying on the bed, a few tears rolling down the side of your face.

You suddenly remembered what the doctor told you and got up, whipping the tears of your face and trying to balance all your chemistry work while running out your room.

It wasn't long until you found the console room and started to walk up the steps when you saw the doctor under the controls doing some work. You sighed, thinking that she was busy. You were about to turn when the doctor called your name.

"(Y/n)!" The doctor exclaimed, smiling at you.

You smiled back and started to walk towards her.

"You..erm..said that if I ever needed help with my work to just ask so..." you smiled shyly before placing all the work on the floor and sat down with her.

"Yes of course" she smiled, looking at your work. "Chemistry! Ah! One of my favourites!"

"Chemistry..the one that makes me suicidal" you muttered under your breath.

The doctors head snapped up to you and you realised that she had yet again heard one of your comments. You smiled, realising just how dreamily good time lords ears were.

"(Y/n)...when did you start to feel like...this.." the asked with a concerned look.

You sighed, shrugging your shoulders and looking down, closing your eyes as you prepared yourself to tell her.

"Probably after the accident with my mum and sister. It was then that I realised that I was going to have to grow up fast! Mum was always the supportive one with my work but when I lost her I lost all that support. My little sister used to play while I revised. You might think it was a destraction but I felt much calmer when doing my work. She made me smile while I did it. But then they were gone all of a sudden. And the work from school with my GCSEs just got harder and harder! No one was there for me anymore and the pressure and stress kept building, from the work, teachers, everything! I just didn't seem to understand any of the work and it made my mind feel like it was drowning in the thoughts of failing. I just really want to do well but I fear that I won't reach the achievements I wish to. And the more I don't understand the more those thoughts swirl in my mind! It got to a point where it got to me thinking that the pain my father used to cause to me for the entirety of my life was less painful than this! So...I cut myself. I felt better after I did it... and one thought led to another. Suicide.. i just thought it'd be easier to end it. Then maybe the pain would go away for good. It just gets worse. The more I want it the more I seem to building the pressure. I look at the work in front of me and wish and wish and try and try to understand and there's so much to learn too! These scars hurt less than that pain..." you cried while pulling up your sleeves to show the scars of the knife that cut your skin.

The doctor hugged your crying body and swayed from left to right, almost cradling you and shushing you in your ear as you grabbed on for dear life onto her.

"I miss my sister and....I want my mum so much...." you cried into her chest, making her shirt wet from tears.

She shushed you again, holding you tighter and whispering in your ear "I know, I know you do" while stroking your hair in a motherly way.

You hung onto her for a few minutes before finally pulling away. You felt weights lifted off your shoulder after you'd told her everything and cried about it properly with someone. She cupped your face and whipped away the tears with her thumb gently as she smiled sadly at you. You smiled back, thanking her. She nodded and held a hand on your back, rubbing it comfortably. You smiled more then turned to the work in front of you and the doctor gave you a glance for a few seconds before also turning to the work in front of you.

"Well, I'm going to help you (y/n) (l/n) until you understand everything. Don't worry, I'll make sure you pass." She smiled, taking a revision sheet from your pile.

"Well, let's start with which one is an endothermic reaction and which one is a exothermic reaction and how to spot the difference" she smiled, turning a few pages and finding a blank page.

Taking the pen from you she started to write very simple things at first. Explaining which reaction was which. Then moving onto how to spot them and then the equations. She stopped after every new thing, making sure she asked you enough questions so she knew you got it before moving on.

Slowly but surely, you started to understand more of the work. Going at this slower pace, one to one was exactly what you needed.

Maybe with the doctors help you weren't going to fail after all.