13th Doctor x reader

You are so needed

You were sitting in the medical bay after crying for a while and being moved there where the doctor was patching you up. A few tears slowly ran down your cheek as you winced in pain from the alcohol wipe. No one was talking. You certainly weren't. Everyone was looking at you in serious concern, except the doctor who was focusing on putting bandages around your arm. They all knew about the self harm but it was the first time they'd seen you actually do it. You were looking at the white wall beside you, not making eye contact with anyone.

"(Y/n) why did you do this?" The doctor asked after she'd finished bandaging you up, breaking the tension filled silence.

You gulped, trying to hold back another tear.

"What were the voices saying? What happened?" She asked softly, holding your hand.

"I..." you chocked on your words, swallowing hard and letting a tear escape your eyes.

The doctor squeezed your hand, reassuring you.

"I'm going to fail I know I am. I don't get anything and I'm useless. You should have just left me" you whispered

"No!" But this time it was Yaz talking.

"You're doing really well. You've improved loads since we all started helping you" Ryan said.

"I still can't do most of it. I'm such a failure, no matter how hard I try it just amounts to nothing in the end. Dad seems pretty sure I'm a failure. Mum doesn't answer me from beyond the grave either does she." You said weakly, completely giving up.

"Your father told you that! You went to see your dad?" The doctor questioned almost in shock.

You nodded slightly, not making eye contact with anyone.

"It was all my fault. Mum and Alice would be here i I wasn't being such a bitch in the car that day" you whispered, starting to shake a little again as tears fell down your cheek.

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. But this isn't the answer (y/n)" the doctor said softly.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, just let the pain get high enough to stop the voices. You should have left me. No one needs me anyways" you cried.

"Everyone needs you! You've saved so many civilisations up there in the sky. There are people who live because of you and there are more out there who need you" the doctor said.

You looked into her hazel eyes for a second before turning around and blinking back a few tears.

"I didn't do anything. That was all you doctor" you whispered. "Anyways, helping civilisations out there, seeing stars and supernovas, no matter how far you take me I'll always come back to these exams."

"Which you'll pass!" The doctor said sternly and confidently.

You shook your head, crying. A gentle hand came to turn your face to the doctor.

"Listen to me. You are so needed in the universe. Come with me" she said, holding your hand and forcing you to stand up with her.

You sighed and followed her without a word to the console room. She let Yaz hold you by the shoulder as she flew the TARDIS. The TARDIS herself tried not to shake about as much, sympathising with your current state. She quickly landed and the doctor took your hand, leading you outside to a very familiar planet. The first planet she'd ever taken you to.

"Look here. There's the Lochs and the phlox living side by side in harmony and peace right here because of you. If you hadn't noticed that small flicker on the computer, we wouldn't have found the music or noticed what was wrong with it to decode it. You were so important that day. These people all live in peace because of you." The doctor smiled sadly, looking out at the purple planet.

She stepped back in, taking you with her, handing you back to Yaz. She took the TARDIS off somewhere again. It landed quickly and you stepped out with the doctor again.

"The second planet you were ever on. A little girl of about seven years old. You helped her out of that rubble to find her parents and escape. She would most likely have died if she stayed there with the sontaran" the doctor said, taking you back into the TARDIS and taking off yet again.

You knew where this was going. It landed again and she took you out to several different planets, by the end you'd forgotten how many. She kept telling you how amazing you were and how much you'd done to help people. How you'd figured out what various plans were and what many aliens wanted. Even how you talked an alien out of destruction without the doctor as she was once trying to diffuse the bomb.

She dragged you back into the TARDIS again. She was now frustrated and angry that you weren't showing any emotion and you still thought you were nothing.But this time you kept a grip on the doctors wrist, looking down, not letting her take off again.

"Stop it..." you whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible.

The doctor's tense body relaxed and her face softened. You looked up to her face and made proper eye contact.

"(Y/n), what I'm saying is you're not useless. You're not a failure. And you certainly are needed." The doctor said softly.

"I know...I didn't mean to..." you looked down, trying to blink back tears.

"Promise me you won't do anything like that again. Come to me if you feel like this again. I promised to keep you safe, even from yourself. But I need you to promise me you won't do this again" The doctor said.

You nodded your head, letting a tear fall with a light, microscopic splash on the TARDIS floor.

"I'm going to look after you I promise" the doctor said softly, holding your hand and squeezing it.

"Thank you" you chocked, looking down.

The doctor embraced you into a hug to which you grabbed onto. You squeezed her hard and felt the warmth of the hug making the horrid feelings go away.

It was perhaps one of the hardest things to go through emotionally. A friend who acts so much like a mother to you to take you to all these planets and talk you through everything you did. Trying to focus on that instead of the sinking feeling in your stomach. But you knew that the doctor would help you more than a knife to your skin ever would.

Because she didn't fight your pain with pain, but she fought it with love.