13th Doctor x reader

Trust me

You looked up at her, trying to read if she was telling the truth or not. Her expression hadn't really changed from the worried and concerned face. You also saw sadness in her eyes to which you sighed, shaking your head as you turned away.

"I'm sorry" you whispered so quietly you wondered if she heard you.

But as always, her hearing was exquisite. She furrowed her brows.

"What for. If it's not telling me then-" you cut her off before she could say too much.

"Doctor it's not that." You sighed, looking down "I'm sorry for blaming you for everything. All I've really done since I've got here is have a go at you. But the truth is...all nine years on earth I blamed myself" you confessed, turning to look at her.

She wore a confused face as she opened her mouth to say something but yet again you butted in.

"I was the one that told you to leave all those years ago. There's no one else to blame for all of this. It's just...as soon as I saw you again..it was like a switch flipped and I thought I could finally gat my anger out on someone else and not have the blame all on me for once. I'm sorry" you said, looking at her apologetically.

She shook her head "it's not your fault. If I'd just flown the TARDIS properly..." a sigh escaped her lips "I guess there's no one really to blame."

"I just...feel like I can't control my mind sometimes. I've come so close to death before and I fear I might reach there if I'm not careful..." you looked down and couldn't help but let your eyes wander to your scarred arms. "My life's just not gone the way I hoped" you sighed.

"Your mind's a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts your life will start to change" she smiled sadly at you.

You nodded, looking up to her. You forced a small smile, which she returned.

"Can I..go now?" You asked.

Her smile grew as she shook her head. You sighed, raising an eyebrow at her.

"If you're not going to open up to me about what's going on I can at least help with the affects of it" she said "I'm going to help with the no touch issue"

You gave her a terrified look, shaking your head. She held out one hand, to which you stared at, stepping back. You crossed your arms over your chest in discomfort.

"(Y/n) I need you to take my hand" she said.

You shook your head, backing up some more. She sighed, moving closer to you.

"W..why are we doing this now.." you stuttered, keeping your eyes on her hand.

"Because you nearly got hurt today and maybe I'll need to patch you up some time and that's very hard to do if I can't touch you" she explained.

You huffed, staring at her hazel eyes now "JJ told you!" You exasperated "snitch.." you mumbled.

"(Y/n) I need you to reach for my hand now" she said.

"I can't..." you whispered.

"If you were able to believe in Santa clause for eight years you can believe in yourself for like five minutes" she replied, coming towards you.

You shook your head, walking further back. any other time you would have laughed at that expression but you were terrified out of your wits. You hit the wall behind you, knowing there was no door and you were stuck either way. Your breathing quickened as did your heart rate.

"..please..." you breathed, staring at the doctor with pleading eyes.

"(Y/n) I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to make you do too much, just hold my hand." She said.

You shook your head defiantly as your chest rose up and down as you felt your panic attack rising. You closed your eyes, clenching your hands into fists. You slid down the wall to your knees as you curled up into a ball, shaking from fear. You knew you were having a panic attack as you wrapped your arms around your knees.

You heard the doctor walk over to you, making you whine a little in fear. Yet not a single tear fell. Something you trained yourself to do. You learnt that crying was a waste of time and energy that never changed anything. You felt the doctor kneel in front of you.

"I....can't breathe..." you choked as you tried to suck in some air.

"You're having a panic attack" she said softly

"You think" you whispered between your laboured breathing.

"Breathe with me (y/n). In" she inhaled and you tried to do the same while keeping your eyes firmly closed "and out" she exhaled.

You continued until you could somewhat see straight again. Your breathing returned close to normal but still not cool with the doctor's uncomfortably close presence.

"Look at me" she said softly.

You lifted your head from your knees, looking at her properly.

"Trust me" she simply said.

Of course you trusted her. She reached her hands to meet one of yours. You flinched but forced yourself to try stick it out.  You held your breath as her hands made contact with your trembling one. You winced at the touch but stayed still as her hands properly wrapped around yours and held them.

"Breathe" She said.

You released a shaky breath, just as shaky as your whole petrified body was right now. She held your hand within hers, squeezing it gently.

"Look. That's all I needed and you've done it" she said softly. "Trust me?" She asked again, smiling a little.

Your body had stopped trembling so much now and you felt a lot more comfortable with her presence. Even the contact, you weren't cool with it but it was a big improvement from before.

"Y..yeah" you stuttered, smiling a little. "Always"

Her smile widened. And it seemed to be contagious as your face tugged to a smile.

"Can I go now" you asked "I have had quite an action packed first day back and I'm tired"

She chuckled, nodding. She let go of your hand and stood up. You got to your feet and smiled.

"I..erm...I'm still not completely cool with people touching me.." you stuttered, looking down at your feet.

"I know. But you're getting there" she smiled.

You smiled, nodding. You turned around and saw that the doors had reappeared. You breathed a sigh of relief. You were about to walk out when you stopped and turned around.

"Out Of interest doc" you started, she looked at you, smiling "What have you got Yaz for her birthday tomorrow?" You asked, smirking as you knew she probably didn't know.

Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped, her hands reaching her blond hair as she tugged at it in worry.

"It's Yaz's birthday tomorrow!" She almost screamed.

"Yeah" you smiled.

"Oh god. Okay...erm..I need to go find the best planets out there" she said, walking it of the room.

"Good night (y/n), I'm really proud of you" you heard her say before she disappeared down the corridors.

You smiled, knowing that tomorrow could be the perfect day to make the two confess feelings for each other.