Super Nova.

Chapter 17

~ Jenna's POV ~

Since the second he left me at the airport I've felt as if my heart has shattered into a thousand pieces. For every mile we got further away from each other that broken heart hurt even more. I tried so hard to keep my tears at bay at the flight home and the minute I took a step over the threshold to my little dark and timeworn apartment I couldn't swallow them anymore.

I cried as I've never cried before. With loud sniffles and a running nose I cried all my anxiety out. I was laying down in a fetal position on my bed and let it all out. I cried because I missed Marshall. I cried because I now understand that my childhood was robbed from me. I cried of the loneliness I've been living with all these years. I cried because I wanted more in life than my 9 – 5 job at the library and then going home to sit alone in my apartment.

After a few of hours I somehow felt cleansed, in a strange way. I had no more tears and I decided to go up and wash my face and when I looked in the mirror I was happy that I was alone. My God, if someone saw me now. My eyes were swollen and red and my face puffy, I could hardly recognize myself. My head felt groggy and I swayed a bit.

"Okay Jenna, enough with the self-pitying now". I said to the mirror.

I washed my face in cold water and afterwards I felt much better, it was almost a reborn feeling. Like some holy ritual cleansed my body and soul. It was time to unpack my weekend bag and as I did I found the t-shirt I've borrowed from Marshall the first night in his bed. Borrowed? Nah, more like stealing it, I think. What a great 'first theft in life' object it was.

I put my nose to the fabric and inhaled his scent. I could feel his hands on me and remember how close we were that night. His body so hard but yet so soft. His kisses and the way he touched my breasts and how he moaned. I remember almost giving myself to him.

With heated cheeks and the familiar feeling of ache in my lower belly I put the t-shirt on my pillow. It would keep me company tonight, even if it meant keeping me sleepless.

I found the violin music box in my bag and wandered smiling around in my living room, searching for the best spot to place it. I decided to have it on the coffee table for now, so I easily could wind it up and listen to it whenever. I loved this little thing filled with wonderful memories. I grabbed my phone and started to look at all the photos I've been taking, on the sightseeing with Sam, on the concerts, our selfies.

To see the pic's made my belly flutter and my heart rate increase. They didn't make me sad, no that feeling was over. From now on, whatever happens in the future, I will remember this weekend with joy.

While holding my phone I decide to send a text to Chrissy, telling her I was home safe and that my soul hasn't been abducted by the devil. Not yet, that is. I put a lot of smiling emojis with the text so she'll know I'm okay.

I'm sending off a text to Marshall too, telling him how happy I am to have gotten this weekend with him. I told him that our last five minutes in that pantry gave me hope to see him again soon. It's much easier for me to text than to talk to him, looking at his face always get me distracted. And to talk to him when he touches me, that's almost out of the question. I close my eyes and hold my phone to my heart while I press send as if I want him to feel it. I think back to that last five minutes, Holy mother of Jesus, the things he makes me feel.

I jump as my phone starts ringing when I still hold it to my chest. It's Emily. I make myself ready to answer her million questions.

"Momma says you're home, is that right? she starts.