Super Nova.

Chapter 98

~ Jenna's POV ~

Our life together went on with much time in the studio and at home. Marshall's girls spend much time at our house too and I loved to have them around. Whit had moved back to her mother and Kim seemed to do just fine. I had even been to her house for lunch when Marshall went to California to work on the album with Dre. He wasn't too thrilled over the fact but he need to understand that I can take care of myself.

"I see to it that Whit is there to watch over you when you go there" he said over the phone when I told him about the invitation. "I don't want you to end up in her basement tied and gagged".

"Stop it Marsh, she's better now" I said and as I had told him the lunch went just fine, we talked about the baby and of her girls.

I had been thinking a lot about the proposition Cynthia had about coming to live with us for a while when the baby came. I had mixed feelings about it. First of, I really wanted to manage this on my own with Marshall. But on the other hand, what if I couldn't do it? Then I needed her here. Marshall and I hadn't really talked about it, when he asked me I just told him that I was thinking about it. I said the same to Cynthia over the phone.

"Don't worry sweetheart. Take your time. I'm sure you can do this, you have grown so much since I first met you" she told me and I believed her words, I can do this.

Late at night, when my body kept me awake aching and itching, then the doubt came over me. I could still hear my father's voice sometimes whispering in my head that I was useless. At least he wasn't screaming anymore. I tried my best to block him out, to ignore him ... 

My belly got bigger and bigger every day. At the check-ups the doctor told us that everything looked fine and that I just needed to rest and gather strength to the day of the birth. Rest? I could hardly lay down. I felt like a hippo and one day when I was really miserable Marshall told me that he thought I was beautiful. My hormones were totally messed up and I just dropped the plate I had in my hands on the floor with a crash and sank down beside it crying my eyes out.

"Baby girl what the fuck?" he came running and slide down beside me on the floor where I sat trying to take up the pieces of the broken plate without cutting myself. "Leave that and talk to me" he softly said as he gripped my hands before I would hurt myself. 

He pulled me up against him and I grabbed his shirt as my tears flooded down my cheeks.

"I am ..." I just sobbed and couldn't get one more word out.

"You are what baby girl?" he asked and rocked me like a baby. "Please tell me what to do".

"I don't know" I whispered and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I feel ... lousy" I cried into his chest getting his shirt totally messed up.

"Oh baby it's just the hormones giving you a fucking ride. Please listen" he said and cupped my tear strained face between his hands looking me straight into the eyes. "I love you so much. I know you're having a hard time and I don't know what to do except loving you and tell you that you are beautiful" He kissed the tip of my nose and I started to calm down a little. "You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen" he wiped my cheeks with his hands and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. "You are so strong, physically and mentally. And I know how afraid you are about this but still you just ... take it".

I put my arms around his neck and pulled him as close I could. I needed his warmth and strenght.

"I just feel ugly and fat and ... ugly" I said and he smiled a crooked smile of pittyness at me. "And I cant sleep and I cant ... make love with you".