Dolan twins little sister

· The Struggles of Depression ·

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Alyssa's POV

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"Hey, whatcha doing, kiddo?"

I look up at Grayson from where I'm sat on the living room couch. He looks back down at me.

"Just watching TV," I reply.

Grayson grabs the remote and turns the TV off, dropping down beside me on the couch.

"Is this a serious talk?" I sigh, sensing a Grayson lecture. "Because if it is, I'll just leave now"

Grayson chuckles. "It's not a serious talk, honey. I promise"

"Then what is it?" I ask, laying back and curling up with a pillow.

"I wanted to talk to you about your birthday"

A pang of sadness hits my heart as soon as he says the word "birthday". I feel a sense of loss when I think about my sweet sixteen. It's going to suck.

Grayson must recognize the look on my face because he sighs.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's fast approaching. I know you don't know what you want to do, so I wanted to propose an idea"

I sigh and decide to let him speak.

"What if we went to New Jersey? Ethan and I have been talking to grandma and we thought we'd also stay there for Christmas. I know you don't have a lot of friends there, but we have lots of family. Plus, we'll get to see grandma"

I shrug. "Sure"

I roll over and face the blank TV screen. I feel my eyes warm up with tears and quickly blink them back.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Grayson sighs. "I thought you wanted to see grandma?"

I shrug again.

"Alyssa, I don't want you to be sad," Gray says softly, rubbing my back. "What's wrong? What can I do to help?"

I sniff and shake my head, burying my face into a pillow.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore"

The truth is, my sixteenth birthday will be a trainwreck regardless of what I do. I don't have friends, If I go to Jersey, I won't see my boyfriend for a long time (if we stay for December too), my mom and dad aren't here and Ethan and I are barely speaking.

Grayson doesn't say anything. He just continues to rub my back.

"How about you just think about the idea?" Gray says softly. "Nothing's set in stone until you decide"

"I really don't wanna do my birthday this year," I sniff, lifting my head from the pillow. "It's going to suck"

"Baby, it won't," Gray sighs helplessly. "I know you've been having a rough month mentally. Your headspace isn't right to be thinking about this. Why don't you take a nap?"

I sigh and nod. Grayson's right. This month has been torture. I've been having at least one panic attack daily, I don't leave the house, I haven't fully completed a homework assignment in ages and now with my birthday on the horizon, it seems like everything is moving too fast. I'm not ready to be sixteen.

"I'll get you some water," Gray says quietly. "You want me to get the fluffy blanket off your bed and bring it here?"

"Yes please," I sniff.

***

It's later on in the afternoon when I get the sudden urge to throw up. I'm sat with the twins and Kristina having a movie night that I was forced to join.

I run to the bathroom with a hand over my mouth. Grayson follows me but Ethan stays put on the couch with Kristina, ignoring me as usual.

I vomit violently into the toilet and flush when I'm done, feeling the energy in my body completely deplete. I sit on the bathroom counter as Grayson wets a rag with cool water for my body temperature.

"Breathe," Grayson says gently, dabbing a cool rag around my face and neck. "Just breathe and shut your eyes"

I lean against Grayson's chest as he tries his best to clean me up. He carries me to my room since I have no energy left in my body and he calls the family doctor to see what's wrong with me.

***

"Depression"

I wince when I hear the word leave Dr Kevin's mouth. The boys look equally as pained and Kristina starts to cry.

"Alyssa is depressed. Her symptoms and mood swings match all the descriptions in the documents. I've jotted down some medications you can buy to ease the mental illness. There is no doubt that this is a painful time for your family, Mr Dolan"

I shut my eyes and try to block out Dr Kevin's voice. There isn't really any surprise if I'm being honest. I've felt depressed for a long time, but have never said it.

"The best you guys can do as her legal guardians is to take her off school for a couple of weeks and encourage her to keep getting out of bed every day and to keep the same daily routine. You guys will also need to make sure to praise her for even the smallest accomplishments. This is helpful because everyday tasks can be very hard for someone with depression and anxiety disorder"

I groan softly and pull my fluffy blanket over my head. This is torture. I don't even want to get up from my bed right now.

***

It's nighttime and Dr Kevin is long gone.

Grayson makes a light vegetable soup for dinner, but I refuse my bowl when he comes to my bedroom to deliver it.

"Aly, you have to eat," Gray sighs, handing me a spoon. "I get that this is hard for you, but I really need you to eat so you can have some strength in you"

"I don't want strength," I mumble, letting my eyes close. "I just want to rest"

"You can rest after you eat," Gray sighs, sitting on the bed next to me. "Honey, I get that this is hard but you can't stop living life. Life does go on and the depression will get better. Will it suck? Yes. Will it have it's up and downs? Yes. Will you have bad days and moments? Yes. Will it make you stronger?"

He makes me answer this time.

"Yes," I mumble quietly.

"Yes, it will," Gray nods, handing me the soup spoon again. "Now eat, please"

***

I go to bed early. Much earlier than usual. Grayson asks if I want to talk about it and I refuse.
Ethan ignores me, staring intently at an advertisement on TV. It's been like this all day

"Goodnight," I say, starting up the stairs.

Grayson is the only one who says it back.

***