Fractured

Letting It Out

After what we just went through in that house, I was more annoyed than ever, and I had a pounding headache. Dean suggested we head to the local library to do some research, which we all agreed too. Again the drive was short.

I huffed as I opened the back door, and slowly lifted myself out of the seat. As soon as I was standing I wobbled a little on my feet and was hit with a wave of nausea. I held onto the door tightly, and leaned my head against my hand as I took in a few shaky breaths. I looked up and everything around me was a little blurry, and I could feel the sweat forming in my hairline.

This has happened one other time since I woke up and it was two days after. I guess my body decided to feel like shit again today.

Dean was at my side quickly, rubbing small circles on my lower back as he asked, "Are you feeling sick again?" I nodded. Yes, I am feeling very sick right now. My body started to shake and Dean said to Sam, "You go in we will meet you in there."

Sam nodded, and Dean ushered me back into the car, and sat in the back with me. He put one leg across the seat, and the other stayed bent. He grabbed me and positioned me between his legs. I relaxed into his arms as I closed my eyes.

Dean was softly rubbing my arms and I grabbed one putting his wrist to my forehead.

"Jesus, Devyn. You're burning up," Dean said worried. I let go of his arm and he grabbed my hand squeezing it, "Did you get enough sleep last night?"

I shook my head as tears started to form in my eyes. I tried to say words to explain how I'm feeling, but all that came out was small squeaks as tears started to flow down my face. My body started to shake as I silently sobbed in Dean's arms. This is the first time I've actually cried since the night I woke up. I just felt too tired, so weak. I couldn't keep it in anymore.

Dean hugged me tightly from behind, but not enough to hurt me and said, "Shh... It's gonna be okay. It'll get better."

"I- I can't," I was able to get out between sobs.

Dean tensed as the words left my mouth. I meant them though. I can't take this pain anymore. I'm tired of everything hurting. I just want everything to be good again.

Dean held onto me a little tighter and said, "I'm here, sweetheart. You're gonna be, okay. You'll get through this, I promise."

I brought my arms up to my chest crossing them, hoping to take some of the weight off. Dean crossed his arms over mine, taking my hands in his as I leaned my head against his shoulder as I continued to cry uncontrollably. Dean continued to whisper soothing words into my ear, and eventually my cries turned into soft sniffles.

I turned my head so I could look at his face, and I grabbed his cheek in my hand and kissed him. I pulled away and attempted to smile at him, thanking him silently for being there for me. I felt a little better after crying. I think maybe my body was just tired from holding my emotions in for so long.

I took in a deep shaky breath, and then released finally saying the words I've been thinking in a small voice, "Thank you."

Dean smiled at me, his eyes shining from unshed tears. I knew it hurt him to see me like this, and I'm so grateful he's stuck by me through all of this.

He caressed my face with his right hand and said, "Always." He placed a soft kiss on my lips then said, "I meant that promise I made you. I will never leave you alone. I'll always be here to help you in any way I can."

I smiled gratefully at him. I started to sit back up and brought my hands up to my face to wipe the tears away, and Dean brought his leg down from the seat awkwardly. I smiled at him as I saw him struggle with the simple task.