Feelings

Empathy Dreams |52|

Wednesday//10:15am
Kimani POV

I woke up in a white room, as I looked around there was nothing but a door. I grew confused as to what was going on so I walked closer to the door but the knob was already being turned.

I step back and waited for the person on the other side to open the door. When it opened, I saw that it was shia, my heart dropped and I backed up.

"Kimani.." he said.

I stayed silent as a single tear came to my eye. What is this? What's going on?

"Kimani.. why'd you let him do this to me? Was I not good enough for you?" He asked.

I tucked in my lip. "You used to hit me shia." I trembled.

"I didn't know better mani. My whole life I watched my dad put his hands on my mom and you knew that. It was a fucked up mistake, I know that, but I could've made it right.. I could've made it better, you didn't give me time." He explained.

"You were going to kill me if I stayed with you." I said.

"Kimani, I loved you. Believe it or not, I did. I tried to better myself but that was what I grew up with so I truly didn't know better. All I needed was time.." he trailed off.

I felt uneasy and wanted to get out of here. "Shia I can never forgive you for what you did. I was suffering, you put me in a state where I couldnt do anything or do anything for me." I explained.

"And I'm telling you now that I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you it in person and we could settle this but it's too late for that now." He said.

More tears start to pour down my face. I brushed past him and went out the door and that's where I woke up.

I woke up sweaty and hot. That dream... was it real? I couldn't stop but to feel emotional. I started to cry cause I didn't understand that at all, was it really shia talking to me? Was he really explaining to me why he did all of that.

Shia did have a rough teenage life. He watched his father beat on his mother and thought it was okay, he never had a father figure in his life to teach him that stuff like this was okay. I couldn't blame him at all.

I wiped my face and went downstairs to the kitchen and saw Jacy cooking in there.

"Morning bae, how you sleep?" He said to me as I was putting water in a kettle.

I ignored him and continued to do what I was doing. "Bae? Youn hear me?" He said again.

I ignored him once again as my face began to get hot. "Kimani" he repeated.

I turned around. "Why did you kill him?" I asked with my eyes getting teary.

"Fuck is you talkin about?" He questioned jerking his neck back.

"Shia. Why? I never asked you to do that." I said.

"Oh my gosh mani, I know you not boutta stand there and cry about a nigga that beat on you 24/7 for just breathing." He said.

"No, you didn't understand why he did those things. He didn't know better, we would've apologized to me and everything would've been fine. He just needed time! But you killed him!" I cried out.

He wiped his face. "Okay mani. Ian boutta deal wit you right now. You know exactly why I did that shit and the night you found out, we had sex. So I really don't care about the shit you talking about." He said.

"He really did love me, yes I was suffering in that relationship but it was all a phase to him. It was going to stop and before it did, you had to step in!" I yelled.