UMSHADO

CHAPTER 82

SEBENZILE.

I regret everything I ever did to my family. Especially what I did to my sister. I wish I can turn back the hands of time and undo everything but I can't. I was prepared to take my secret to the grave but secrets have a way of coming out no matter how hard you try to bury them.

Secrets eat at your soul slowly until you get to a point where you can't leave with them anymore and you want to share it to someone and I did. I thought my best friend will also take that secret to her grave but her daughter heard us and she has been blackmailing me ever since until I thought mbuso and sbu had killed her but Like the devil she is she found a way to stay alive and be hidden. Had I have known too that she was alive I would have found someone to take her out.

I was prepared to do that and live with it but when what I thought was our secret came out I knew it was over for me. It is true when they say a secret is only a secret when only one person knows it. If two or more people know then that is no longer a secret and I learned the hard way. I am now relieved that I am no longer keeping secrets from anyone. Especially the man I love qwabe.

I have never seen him this hurt in all the years I have spent with him. He has always looked at me with love and adoration but now the looks he gives me are that of contempt and disgust. Why would I be hurt and blame him when I know we are in this mess because of me and so I owe it to them to fix things between us and I am going to do it right.

All my kids hate me and they can't stand to be in he same room as me. Well not all of them because surprisingly mbuso is the one who isn't mad at me or hates me. He still calls me mom and the way he says it is always how he has said it. I know what kind of man mbuso is. My son doesn't just forgive and forget. He gets revenge and his way of getting it is killing anyone who has betrayed him or stepped on his shoes. I was scared that he's going to kill me too and no one will stop him but he didn't.

The person who's the most angry at me is bonga. He hates me and he doesn't even try to hide it. I hope as time goes by he will give me the opportunity to apologize to him and maybe we can work out on our relationship again. My last born son has been through a lot since everything happened and I can't even hold him and comfort him for losing his child too. He's still too young to be experiencing everything like this and I know he needs me now more than ever. He avoids me at all costs and we haven't even said one word to each other since I saw him at the hospital after three years.

He might be young but he's no longer a boy but a man. What he went through with his girldfriend made him grow up. I just hope him amd bonga won't kick me out of their lives and keep me away from their kids. I missed bonga's kids and I missed mbuso's kids too whom I held in my arms adfter three whole years.

That time away isolated from my family was the hardest time of my life. I missed my husband, I missed my kids and I missed my grandchildren. I will not waste this second chance I am given and spend as much time I have with all them. I will prove to them that I am no longer that insecure little girl who was full of jealousy for her sister and who didn't know what love is.

I knew what love is from qwabe. He was my first in everything and I love him to death. He taught me all that I know and I am the woman I am today because of him, Everytime he laid in my arms, looks in my eyes and called me his love was something I never got tired of hearing, Everytime he said wami I would cry inside because of the shame and guilt I felt. Qwabe and I love been through a lot and letting go to his one true love hurts me so deep I cry myself to sleep every night.

I know he has been spending time and nights with her, I knew it would hurt but not like this. Earlier today qwabe asked to talk to us outside and he told us that he will be paying damages and lobola for both of us as per insctructions from luh and gogo xulu who is the helper sent by our grandmother. I agreed because it expected from him by our culture and tradition.