A Glimpse Into My Brain

Energy

I wish that people without conditions that affect their energy levels could understand that when we say,
"I don't have enough energy"
We fucking mean that

I cannot count the times I have had to cancel plans with my closest friends
The times that I haven't been able to eat
The times I have had to skip things that I love
The assignments and homework that I have missed
The fun I haven't been able to have
All because of my energy levels

You have no idea how my,
Grades
Mental health
Physical health &
Relationships
Have suffered because of this

I do not, in any way, want this
I do not choose this
Making the choice between doing something I love
And making sure that I don't crash
Is fucking heartbreaking

It is so difficult to have people tell me,
Just push yourself a bit more
Just try a bit harder
It can't be that bad
We're just trying to help
How bad can it really be
You just need to eat better
You just need more sleep
I do not choose this and you telling me these things doesn't. Fucking. Help

I have tried so much to get my energy back
And I just can't fucking do that
It is not a choice
So stop fucking telling me it is
If you could live in my body for a day
Hell, even just an hour
You wouldn't be telling me this shit

(27/5/21)