A Glimpse Into My Brain

Cancer

I feel like everything is going to blow up
Cancer in her fucking lungs
THE FUCKING LUNGS

It isn't as bad as the first year
But she's feeling worse than normal
The only other person I have met with cancer in her lungs is dead
It killed her
It can't kill my mum
I can't deal with that

We don't know what's going to happen
We never do
We never have
It's normal that we don't know what to do
But it's terrifying
It's always terrifying
The news hasn't sunk in properly yet
It'll probably take a while
But I'm still scared

She's coughing
She's been coughing for a while
I hate this
I hate this so fucking much

So much for getting my sleep schedule under control
Anxiety never lets me sleep much
This is horrible
Fuck this
I hate it

(25/6/21)